Coleen Nolan kicked off her new podcast Let's Talk About Grief… with her sister Linda Nolan, who opened up about coping with the death of her husband following their 26-year marriage.
The 63-year-old singer and actress explained in the podcast that she met her "first love" Brian Hudson at the age of 20 and got married two years later. They celebrated their silver wedding anniversary before her husband died the following year in September 2007, while she was battling breast cancer and her mother was ill with Alzheimer's.
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"I was suicidal at times, but I would have missed out on all of your kids growing up and my great nieces and nephews I wouldn't have known any of them," she admitted to Loose Women star Coleen.
"I've had a great life since Brian died. It was a better life when he was here, but it's been worth living and I'm so glad I stuck with it. That was the easy way out, to take tablets and say, 'I'm not going to be here anymore'."
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In her candid confession, she went into detail about her dark thoughts during her grief, and how she dealt with them with the help of the charity Samaritans and her counsellor.
Linda and Brian got married in 1981
"I wrote a letter to you all and I started it off by going, 'I know you will all understand,' but of course, you wouldn't understand," Linda continued, referring to Coleen and her other siblings. "At the time you think you're doing the best thing for everyone," she said.
"I phoned Samaritans at one point because I said I can't do this," Linda said, confessing that she hung up twice before chatting with them for 40 minutes.
The Nolans star opened up about her husband's death on Coleen's podcast
Linda explained that she knew Coleen was also in the process of grieving for Brian, as well as their mother Maureen who died just months later after suffering from Alzheimer's disease, so she didn't want to lean on her for support. Instead, The Nolans star revealed she turned to her counsellor: "I remember I had a counselling appointment and I went to see her, and I just kept saying, I don't know what to do."
Thirteen years later and she is happy to open up about her feelings in the hope it will help others. While she can smile about their happy times now, she said she felt "guilty" about smiling or not thinking about Brian initially.
Reflecting on the immediate aftermath, Linda explained: "People say one day at a time, it's one hour at a time initially."
If you've been affected by this story, please contact Samaritans.
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