When it comes to being a bride-to-be, all your focus is concentrated on planning the perfect ceremony and reception to celebrate your lifelong commitment. But when it comes to being a maid of honour or chief bridesmaid, it is all about planning the perfect hen do.
Whether your vibe is a party weekend in Ibiza or a spa day in the English countryside, there are so many options to choose from that many bridesmaids, or brides organising their own hen, can be left flummoxed by the prospect of creating a plan.
HELLO! enlisted the help of an array of real brides to share their own hen do organising experiences and tips for planning a seamless pre-wedding party - their hen dos and don'ts, if you will.
Bonding time with your girlfriends doesn't have to be pricey
"My hen do was 15 years ago now but it was so much fun," remembers one bride. "I took a big group of friends down to Butlins for their adult 80s weekender - best weekend ever. They had a fancy dress shop in the club, Toby Anstis was on the decks and I danced on stage with 90s group, 2 Unlimited, before some guys dressed as gladiators carried me around.
"What more can a hen ask for?! It was a fab bonding weekend with my girls and not too pricey," she adds. "My mum, her mate, and my cousin came too which was lovely. I also had a London night out for friends who couldn't make Butlins. I wouldn't have done anything differently - I loved it."
Be realistic about budget
"When you're planning a hen do, make sure the bride is realistic with her budget," one bridesmaid-to-be tells us. "Many brides throw caution to the wind and seem to think everyone has endless money to spend, but it can go the other way, as in my experience.
"My friend asked me to plan a weekend to remember on a very tight budget, and then moaned when two nights away, dinners out, activities, and drinks totted up to more than £200," she recalls. "Before you start planning, be clear on what is realistic, and if she's dreaming of a big weekend away, make sure she knows it will come at a premium!".
Consider how well your bridesmaids know you
"You might think your bridesmaids know you inside out…but they may not," one bride reminds us. "I was horrified to discover that a strip show was originally part of the plan for my hen do before it was abandoned due to budget restrictions. I can't think of anything worse! If there's an activity you would hate (from sports to strippers) it's important to make it clear to those organising the event."
Allow the type A in your group to hold the reins
"Not everyone is a natural organiser. Play to all the bridesmaids' strengths and accept that there will always be one person who does absolutely nothing and takes credit for it!," advises one bride. "Delegate minor tasks like planning games to said person and if they still haven't taken care of it as the event approaches, you'll be able to step in and assume the responsibility.
"I'm not skilled at planning the small details so was happiest suggesting a location, activities, theme, and booking the accommodation, before letting the spreadsheet queen take control of the budget, food shop, logistics, and decor."
Consider how you will pay
One bride tells us: "Definitely set a realistic budget and be quite cut-throat about payment deadlines, to avoid people committing to the hen do but then backing out last minute citing financial difficulties – because that usually means the extra cost then falls on the maid of honour or bridesmaids to cover if not the whole group.
"Give hens plenty of time to send their money and ideally only do it in one or two installments to avoid the back and forth and delays," she advises. "And it goes without saying, if someone backs out at the last minute and has already paid for something that is non-refundable, then it's their loss and they shouldn't expect their money back.
She goes on to advise setting up a kitty before or at the start of the hen so that only one person or a couple of key people are paying for things throughout the hen party. "There's nothing worse than having to set up a Splitwise account after the hen party and having to pay everyone back a few quid!," she says.
Be flexible on the day
While we are chatting planning the perfect do here, don't be too wedded to a schedule where you don't have to be. "Nobody likes to have too rigorous a schedule and absolutely no spontaneity during the hen, but for things like meals out or deciding what club to go to on a busy Saturday night, if you're a big group then it pays to book a table, or buy a ticket for a night out in advance," one bride shares from experience. "There's nothing worse than roaming the streets without a plan, with half the group wanting to do this, and the other half wanting to do that!".
Think bride
Though you may be the head bridesmaid AKA chief planner, remember who the day is about. "If the bridesmaids or hens are disagreeing amongst themselves about an activity/location/accommodation, remember the event is all about the bride and her preferences," one bride says. "Don't make it about yourself!".
Keep it contained
Remember that extravagance without proper attention to detail can be the death of a good hen, or at least a major headache for whoever is organising it. "Hiring a large home to house everyone was the best thing to do for my hen party," remembers one bride. "We brought the fun to us. Karaoke, a private chef, a day of obstacle courses and spa treatments without us having to set foot outside the home.
"I provided everyone with a little spa package in their room on arrival - and plenty of headache tablets too because the prosecco was flowing.
"I had a multi-generational hen do, as I wanted my mum and future mother-in-law to come and they brought a friend each too," she continues. "This way, they could join in as much or as little as they wanted, without them feeling uncomfortable in a nightclub or karaoke bar. Turns out they wanted to do it all - including the fancy dress."
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Picking a location that won't be difficult for the hens to get to is also key in keeping it contained.