Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got back together in April 2021. By July of that year, they had gone Instagram official and in September they were looking seriously loved up, smooching publicly on the red carpet.
A year later they were engaged, and JLo was sporting a ginormous rock on her ring finger. By the next summer, they were married.
My boyfriend and I met in April 2021 too. By July we had been on maybe four dates. We weren't boyfriend and girlfriend for months after that. We cautiously introduced each other to our friends. We didn't meet each other's kids for well over a year. Or feature on each other's social media.
© Ken McKay/ITV/ShutterstockThree years on, his face still hasn't appeared on my Instagram (his chest has, but that’s another story) and I'm non-existent on his. Our families are not blended. We live separately. In Hollywood terms our progress is glacial.
This speed was and is right for both us and our kids. Divorce is bruising on everyone involved and we wanted to protect ourselves and our children from any more instability and angst.
But I'll confess there was something about seeing JLo and Ben racing through the stages that made me and my relationship feel less than.
Did the fact that they were making these huge commitments so quickly show that their love was stronger, deeper, more exciting than mine? All the diamonds, the 'love of my life' declarations, the commitment tattoos, the Vegas nuptials...
© GettyJLo's latest album, 'This Is Me… Now' and musical movie 'This Is Me… Now: A Love Story', are both about her relationships and finally finding nirvana with Affleck. There is also a behind-the-scenes documentary called 'The Greatest Love Story Never Told' that heavily features her and Affleck's relationship. (Affleck points out the irony of the title).
To help inspire her creative team, she showed them the private love letters Affleck wrote to her. A folder of them was left around in the studio for them to thumb through when the fancy took them.
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Wow. Even as someone who writes about their life for a living, this seems extreme. And Ben seems to have always had an issue with being written, sung and talked about. This must be a factor in their current reported marital woes.
And from news reports it seems like their love is fading as quickly as it fired up. I'm no psychologist, and nor am I party to their innermost thoughts, but to the outside observer it seems clear JLo loves being in madly, passionately in love.
While I was researching new relationships for my book 'How to Heal A Broken Heart', I learnt about how a new romantic relationship can affect the brain. How the instability and uncertainty of meeting someone new triggers intense cravings, making it all so thrilling, exhilarating and intoxicating.
To the outside observer, it seems JLo wants her love to remain in this stage. That she only deems the all-encompassing, grand gesture type of love depicted in movies and music as truly valid.
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Most of us recognise that whilst the intensity and the excitement of a first flush romance dials down, other things, such as contentment and closeness, more than compensate.
So, whilst I wouldn't wish the pain of a breakup on anyone, I do think for me and for everyone else who is taking it slowly, Bennifer's current struggles serve as a reminder that speedy and showy is not necessarily best.
As for me? Maybe we'll progress to a sleepover soon. *
*Joking.
Introducing HELLO!'s Second Act
© GettyHELLO! wanted to create a space dedicated to sharing incredible stories from midlife; somewhere you can find inspiring stories of like-minded women, living their best life beyond 45.
Enter, Second Act...
For too long, we were expected to fade into the background when we hit 45, but we're here to reframe your Second Act as a celebratory, exciting new chapter with endless possibilities ahead.
From women who embarked on new careers in their fifties, to those who travelled the world alone after their children left home, to women who finally felt confident when they reached their forties, Second Act is devoted to celebrating the incredible stories of midlife, and we'd love to have you along for the journey - because being part of a community makes everything more enjoyable.
