There's a long list of things society deems women shouldn't do post-30. Grow our hair past our shoulders, flash our legs in shorts, wear a bikini, go on wild nights out with girlfriends, possess carnal desires or, I'm going to add to this list, get a boyfriend.
By middle age, there is an unspoken pressure to retire all the above and start sporting ankle-grazing hemlines and ensure you are safely married off. Or, at the very least, in possession of a long-term 'partner.'
Perhaps I’m deeping here (if you are non-plussed at that word ask a Gen Z for clarification - I had to, it means overthinking) but I think the term boyfriend equals sexiness, fun and freedom and that presents a threat to the status quo.
Because it feels like the message that we are subliminally absorbing as a middle-aged woman is that it's our job to keep the fridge stocked and those around us cared for.
Which works brilliantly for everyone, except, well, us.
So how does society keep this structure in place? By saying anything deviating from the above makes you look ridiculous. And all women have antennae finely tuned to that criticism.
Who wants to be laughed at, judged, gossiped about? I definitely don't, but I'm also rejecting old-fashioned ideas about what being this age looks like and so I am proud to say I am 50 and I have a boyfriend.
Is 50 too old to say 'boyfriend'?
There are many other things I could call him and sometimes do.
Partner is the obvious one. It gives the relationship more gravitas than boyfriend does. (I mean, after all, you could have a boyfriend of one week or 25 years). Partner is useful in certain situations, like when you are desperate for the nurses to release you from hospital post-op, or to score a plus one to a wedding.
MORE FROM ROSIE: Have JLo and Ben Affleck proved that being madly in love isn't always the best thing?
But to me, partner feels a little joyless. A little unsexy. Like we work together. Also, whilst our lives are intertwined and I am deeply committed to him, we don't share a house, children, goldfish or even a Tesco Club Card.
He could be my S.O. - significant other. Which I like but is not a term recognisable by every generation. Lover feels unnecessarily shocking and I'm not in the business of making octogenarians choke on their Alpen. Boyfriend is good.
© Rosie GreenIt feels upbeat, optimistic, exciting, fresh and a bit flirty. But really, what's clear is there isn't a perfect term. I quite like the Spanish 'media naranja' which literally translates literally to my 'half orange' but in reality means 'my soulmate' or 'sweetheart. Which in turn reminds me of 'main squeeze.' So retro. Maybe I’ll use that from now on. Perhaps just not on the hospital release form.
Love midlife? Join Second Act today!
HELLO! originally launched its Second Act hub to reframe midlife and beyond as a celebratory, exciting new chapter full of endless possibilities. From inspirational tales of women who refuse to fade into the background, to valuable advice on navigating relationships, finances and health issues – we've featured them all. And such has been the overwhelmingly positive response from readers, we are now turning the hub into a FULL and FREE community where women like you can come together to shape something truly inspiring.
The cornerstones of the community will be two brand new newsletters. One monthly and one weekly. We are really excited about the monthly newsletter which will be themed and written by one of our roster of leading Second Act voices, including our editor at large, Rosie Green. The content will be reserved exclusively for Second Act subscribers.
We are also launching a monthly mentoring series, in the form of a five-minute video sent directly to your inbox featuring financial professionals, hormone specialists, life coaches and more. Again, it will be reserved exclusively for subscribers.
Below we have listed the inaugural benefits, and more will be added as we grow and shape the community.
Member benefits
- Monthly newsletter written by one of our Second Act experts
- Weekly newsletter curating the best of our online Second Act articles
- Monthly mentoring videos
- Ask the expert
- Competitions
- Lots of exciting benefits to come...
Sign up to HELLO!'s Second Act newsletter today. This community is as much yours as it ours!
