At 34 I was officially separated from my ex-husband and decided to dip a toe into dating apps.
Online dating was totally new to me. The majority of my close friends were coupled up, so I didn't have any guide or insights and it felt like stepping into a whole new world, where depersonalisation was the language and I didn't really speak it.
I had tried Plenty of Fish, but as the litany of 'Hey gorgeous xo' messages flowed, I decided Bumble, where only the woman could send the first message at the time, might be more my jam.
With a broken heart and wounded confidence, you might think you have a recipe for disaster. But the very next month, I met my now fiancé and the father of my two beautiful children.
My dating app experience
My dating app experience was wild. In retrospect, I can see it needed to unfold as it did. Quite simply, I needed to learn the language. But from the wasted hours chatting endlessly, the randoms setting up dates only to ghost before resurfacing a month later, the sleaze, it was a lot. Mostly because my expectations just weren't where they needed to be.
© GettyLuckily, I'm a fast learner and soon, my husband Matt popped up. He was Aussie, which would normally mean I'd swipe left as I'd assume he wouldn't stay in the country for long – but I allowed myself to say yes to people I'd normally say no to, and here we are.
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Fastrack love
I found that timelines are different in your 30s. So fast forward to the following July and we moved in together. By January of the next year, I was pregnant with our first baby. We've since moved countries, bought a house, started a business and had another son.
If you are losing heart, please rest assured you absolutely can find the love of your life on a dating app. You just need to learn how to use it to your advantage…
Online dating advice – from someone who's been there
1. Remember you don't owe anyone anything
Treat the online element with all the depersonalisation and scorn it calls for. You don't owe anyone anything other than basic respect, and they don't owe you anything either. It's a means to an end to get in front of potentials.
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2. It's a numbers game
So speak to multiple people at once.
3. Expect ghosting
Expect ghosting and know deeply in advance that when it happens, it is not about you. But that won't bother you, because you will be talking to many people anyway!
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4. Find the right app for you
Find the right app for your area and what you want. Bumble was brilliant for me in New York and London. But when I moved to my Mum's in Livingston there were about three people on there.
5. Cut to the chase!
When it feels prudent to do so, arrange an in-person meeting. The sooner the better. Do not accept scraps and trust your gut - if something feels off it probably is.
Let it be frivolous until you meet someone in person, then you can be more considered.
