My kids have given me the avatar of Dr. Jean Milburn on our Netflix account. For the uninitiated, Milburn is the sex therapist in the TV series Sex Education, played by Gillian Anderson.
They have done this because I have frequently discussed sex publicly, in my book and newspaper articles, plus on This Morning's sofa. I have, much to their embarrassment, become a commentator on it. Not because I have any professional qualifications you understand, but because I have had experience of re-entering the dating arena post-divorce and lots of people are keen to know everything that entails. Basically, I've found myself an accidental sexpert.
Gillian Anderson also has no professional qualification in this area, but by dint of being a sex symbol, and then playing an open-minded sex therapist, she has a platform to talk about it. And she is keen to increase enjoyment and decrease shame, particularly for women.
© Rosie GreenWant is Anderson's new book and it is a collection of anonymous fantasies curated and introduced by her. Over 800,000 women submitted their sexual desires and the actress read every single one. She even submitted her own fantasy.
When she wrote it down. she said it felt "dirtier on the page than it did in her head," tapping into the shame we feel around sex.
It was only when I had to take a good look at myself post-breakup break up did I question my own behaviours around shame and sex. I'd always been a little reserved, verging on prudish. I think this was down to the ideas I'd absorbed in childhood. That good girls don't enjoy sex, they endure it.
Post-divorce, I found a new freedom. I've hardly been promiscuous, but it's been an incredible bonus to rediscover, scratch that discover, my sexuality.
© Rosie GreenIn celebration, I ordered Anderson’s book online. It'll make the kids' eye roll, but my ultimate hope for them is that they can have healthy, enjoyable sex lives with no shame attached.
MORE: How investing in new underwear gave me a confidence boost in my 40s
Still, there are limits. I won't tell them my own stories – I'll save that for my friends. Because whilst my mates may not envy the pain and upheaval of divorce, they are a little jealous of the opportunities it brings for sexual rebirth. Suddenly your social currency shoots up - everyone wants to sit next to you and hear your sexploits. Those stories never get old, right?
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