Ruth Langsford has painstakingly opened up about the loss of her sister Julia, nearly two years on from her tragic death.
Appearing on Loose Women this week, the presenter revealed she was desperate to return to work as the distraction helped her focus - but was told by colleagues she had returned too soon.
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"When my sister died, I actually needed to get back to work," she explained. "I wouldn't say I looked forward to it but I needed that structure back in my life.
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"I needed something to get up for in the morning and also that I could shut off the grief for a bit and have a cry in the shower and go, 'Come on, pull yourself together, work now.'"
Ruth's sibling took her own life in June 2019 after suffering from depression for a number of years. "I needed that to take myself away from the grief, actually," continued the TV star. "It's interesting, people's reaction as well to watching you - 'Is she alright? Is she going to cry?' Especially a show like this, we laugh a lot.
"And it's strange, that first time you do anything where you want to laugh or you're required to laugh, where you're required to look like you're having fun, there's almost a guilty feeling. Like, should I be enjoying my life again so soon?"
Ruth with her beloved sister Julia and her mum Joan
In September, Ruth admitted the death had left their family with "so many questions that can't be answered" and that their loss is still raw.
"It still feels like yesterday that I lost my sister. When you lose somebody, it's just horrible," she told Prima magazine. "But when someone takes their own life, it leaves you with so many questions that can’t be answered.
"It was tragic and difficult for all of us, but my sister wanted me to live a happy life. I'm lucky that I have a loving husband and a good family, and all I can do is live a happy life in her memory."
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