Kate Silverton may be known as one of the UK's most respected broadcasters, having reported from the frontline in Iraq and Afghanistan. But the former BBC News presenter has also just qualified as a child therapist, cementing her lifelong passion for children's mental health and the Early Years.
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READ: Giovanna Fletcher reveals how to deal with children's meltdowns
The mother-of-two retrained as a children's counsellor with Place2Be, the children's mental health charity of which the Duchess of Cambridge is royal patron, and during lockdown, released her Sunday Times Best Seller, There's No Such Thing As Naughty.
"I think what the Duchess is doing is wonderful," Kate said of Prince William's wife, who also champions the Early Years sector. "I've worked with the Royal Foundation and hosted events for the Duchess and I think suffice to say, she really is committed and passionate about the Early Years.
"When she speaks, people listen. And that's fundamental for all of us who are working in children's mental health, to have someone like her in our corner. I'm really appreciative of the work she's doing."
Kate praised the Duchess, saying: "When she speaks, people listen"
Speaking exclusively to HELLO! at an event to celebrate Stokke Tripp Trapp's 50th anniversary, Kate shared her top tips on how to help children who may be feeling anxious about starting school for the first time or going back to the classroom this September. Plus, she also reveals how to raise confident children.
"Not many adults like change, so we should start by understanding that children can feel the same way about it," said Kate. "And also understand that, in terms of where their brain development is. They don't have, especially when they're very young, a fully developed prefrontal cortex to take it all in.
"They don't have a concept of what school is. They may have been to nursery, but suddenly we're launching them into a much bigger building and it can be quite noisy and overwhelming. So from that perspective, we can start by thinking, 'How can I make things better for my child?'"
Read on for Kate's top tips which she's shared for our Back to School Digital Issue, guest-edited by Alesha Dixon.
Kate is a qualified child therapist
Tips for young children who are starting school for the first time:
Do a tour of the school beforehand
"Talk to your child in an age-appropriate way and tell them what to anticipate in advance. One or two weeks before the start of term, physically bring them to the school when it's quiet and there aren't any big crowds and explain that this is where they'll go on the first day, this is where they'll be dropped off, these are the gates they'll walk through.
"A lot of schools are really good these days and will send teachers around to your house before the start of school to meet the children. Then hopefully your child will remember, 'That's Mrs Smith, she came to the house and met you.' Or, 'You've met that lady with the glasses and she's going to be with you on your first day.'
"You could also do some drawings together to talk about what school is going to be like. It's really about putting yourself in your child's shoes and thinking, 'How would I feel? What would make me feel better?' At the same time, don't overdo it because then your child will think, 'Oh my god, this is obviously really scary because Mum and Dad keep going on about it!'"
Create a fun rhyme
"My son and I made up a little song that went, 'I love you, you love me, I'll be back for you at three.' Pick up was actually at 3:15pm but he didn't know that! We'd sing it together and it was an easy rhyme for him to remember and take comfort in."
Help your child feel connected to you
"Give your child a transitional object that they can discreetly keep in their school bag or in their pocket, like a pebble. If they're feeling a bit wobbly, they can hold on to it.
"One of my friends had the brilliant idea of drawing a little heart on her wrist and also one on her son's, and so throughout the day her child felt connected to her."
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Tips for older children or teenagers who are transitioning from junior to senior school:
'Code Red'
"With older children, I like to use what I call 'Code Red' and it's something you can develop from a young age. It's an agreement you have between yourself and your teenager that if they want to talk about something, or something that has happened at school, they can say 'Code Red'. They might not want to talk about it straight away at the school gates, but it's something you can bring up later in the day or the week."
Say an emotion and go from there
"With my clients, I ask them how they're doing and ask them to just pick an emotion. And it might be 'fantastic', 'angry' – and then you can say, 'Ok, do you want to talk about that now?' They might not always want to straight away but reassure them that you're there for them and want to help."
Be interested in their world
"We feel wobbly as adults so imagine what it's like for a child who has all these sex hormones coming in and there's so much going on. It can be genuinely difficult for teenagers to really process what's going on. So just be interested in what's going on in their world and maybe have a walk outside and chat to them."
The broadcaster with her two children Clemency and Wilbur
Tips for parents who are feeling anxious about their children starting or going back to school:
Talk to other people
"Change is difficult for all of us and it's normal to be anxious. Be honest about how you're feeling and talk to other people and your friends because you won't be alone in your emotions. You might look back and end up having a laugh about something you sat and cried over and find that other people did exactly the same."
Visit the school beforehand and meet the teachers
"Physically going into the school beforehand can help with the transition process and also meeting the teachers and making an effort to say, 'Can I come in? I'm feeling a bit anxious,' will help you feel more reassured."
Don't leave your crying child
"My one rule is also to not let anyone take your child away from you when they're crying. I know it takes guts, but if your child is distressed, that is them showing a stress response. Ask for five minutes to have with your child to settle them, and they will eventually settle. You, as the parent, know your child best and although it feels like you're defying authority, it can feel very empowering."
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Tips on how to raise confident children:
Be curious about what's going on with your child
"Being curious about what's really going on for your child in those more challenging or 'meltdown' moments can really help us to work with them. Ask them, 'What's going on with you right now? Did something happen at nursery?'"
Invest in 1:1 and playtime with your child
"Our children need to feel connected to us for good future mental health, so lots of play and 1:1 time are crucial. That's why I love using the Stokke Tripp Trapp chair because it gives your child a seat at the table and is a great way to build a connection with them.
"We are the best toy for our children. I can't tell you how many neurones are connecting us to our children when we look at them. That is developing their brain and their neurones are firing up all over the place."
Shake it out
"If we are stuck in our chair all day and we get stressed, the best thing we can do is get up and shake it out. With children, I tell them to stomp it out. Which is why the Stokke Tripp Trapp chair is brilliant for allowing children this freedom of movement. If they're stressed and strapped into a high chair, they are going to fight it, so encourage movement. That develops good future mental health and in turn, confidence."
Spend a few mornings at the nursery or school
"What I would love to see in every school up and down the country, especially for nursery children or children starting school, is a 'bonding bench'. I appreciate with working parents, being one myself, that you don't always have time to hang around at drop-off times, but if we get this transition right, then your child will feel more confident going forwards.
"I did it with my children when they started nursery for the first couple of days. With my son, I sat outside on a log for a few mornings and he could come back and forth to me when he wanted, so he understood that Mummy's still here, this environment is nice and safe. And then once he was settled, he was settled for good.
"The transition will be a lot smoother and it's the biggest investment you can make, rather than having a child who's constantly anxious about going into nursery."
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