Alex Scott was reduced to tears when she reflected on her difficult upbringing. During a candid chat with Steven Bartlett on The Diary of a CEO podcast, the 37-year-old - who is releasing a new autobiography - revealed how she lived in fear due to a "toxic environment" created by her dad.
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Before her parents separated when she was seven years old, both Alex and her brother would frequently hear their father beat their mother - and one incident left them worried for their mum's life.
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Recalling a dinner party when her mum refused to fetch her then-husband Tony a drink, Alex shared: "My mum said, 'No, you get your lemonade', but then it was that icy tone as he repeated it.
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"Straight away, I know what's coming. As soon as everybody leaves that night, he doesn't forget, so then we all know what's going to happen."
Fighting back her tears, Alex continued: "That was the hardest night. My mum is trying to survive for her kids and then I'm in a room listening to everything go on and just hoping she's alive.
"I heard everything. I heard her trying to run. I just want to hug my mum but I can't. We weren't allowed to show love. That's the control. If we spoke back or didn't obey orders, didn't show you were strong - something would happen to me or my brother."
Alex reflected on her difficult childhood
About the long-term impact this has had on her life, Alex explained: "To this day I can't hug my mum. I don't think I've ever hugged my brother because of that environment."
She added: "The football cage was a safe space. I felt fun, I felt free and at home I was locked in, it was an environment where it was very much controlled. I wanted to love my dad so much, I was daddy's little girl, but he had this dark side and that's a side we saw a lot of growing up.
"Drink helped it come out a lot more, you could see him turn, that's how he took it out on all of us, more so my mum. From a baby I could feel it, the environment we're in. If you step out of line you know what's going to happen and you don't want that to happen...
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"What my mum would go through, the terror, the helplessness that you can't do anything, you're just living in fear."
When her parents separated, Alex's father made her and her brother choose which parent they wanted to live with on the spot. "I feel sad thinking about him, even to this day... then my dad just goes, leaves with everything, furniture, everything," she said.
"I'm so lucky I had football. I had that out, something to focus on an environment that gave me structure. My mum puts a lot of blame on herself. I felt guilty as I went to therapy and learnt to go away and talk, but it took my mum back to a place that hurt her."
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