Peter Crouch knows all too well how easy it is to sidestep important conversations for banter or simply put on a brave face, especially for men.
"I'm from that old-school environment and I’ve still got work to do," says the 41-year-old former England footballer, who has four children with wife Abbey Clancy. "But what I have been doing is just starting conversations with people that I know are struggling and with my friends." According to researchers, nearly half of men say they cried alone in the previous month, something Peter is hoping to change with L’Oréal Paris Men Expert's Be a Wingman campaign, which is challenging the "man up" stereotype.
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Peter Crouch with wife Abbey Clancy
With the Fifa World Cup in Qatar now under way, we caught up with the star to find out more…
Peter, tell us about Be a Wingman…
"It’s something I’ve been a part of for a couple of years now, with [fellow former footballers] Jermaine Jenas and Jamie Redknapp. Men that are involved in football don’t talk enough about mental health and obviously the stats are quite damning. “The campaign highlights that it’s good to talk, get things off your chest and understand that being in a dark place is not uncommon. “If you talk it out, quite often it helps, rather than getting to a place where you feel like there are no other options."
Why do men find it so hard to open up?
"I think it’s that macho, manly, old-school way of thinking and unfortunately that was something I had growing up. “I do think it’s getting better and people like myself, who are in that kind of world, speaking out about it and saying it’s okay to be vulnerable, will help. There’s lots of good causes now – I spoke to the Prince of Wales recently about the work he does for people with mental health."
Why do men feel comfortable enough to cry at a match, but not outside the stadium?
"I think it’s down to saving face – they don’t want to be embarrassed. It’s not seen as manly to be vulnerable. I’ve been around dressing rooms my whole life and they’re quite ruthless places and if you show any signs of weakness, you’re preyed upon. “I’ve had that, where I’ve been upset but you can’t show it. It’s that old-fashioned saying, ‘man up’, and I think that’s something we’ve got to move away from. “We can take the mick out of each other but if someone has a problem, that’s when the gear shifts and actually, we are friends and we are here to help each other. “I do think it’s getting better. Campaigns like this and Movember [which raises awareness of men’s physical and mental health issues] are so helpful for moving it forward."
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Peter Crouch celebrates with David Beckham
Do you have conversations with friends and family about your mental health?
"I could be better. Quite often you just chat on WhatsApp and you don’t actually go and see them. I see Abbey talking to her friends every day for hours and I can’t remember the last time I did that. “To be honest, I’m never going to do it as often as Abbey, but I did have an incident recently with a friend of mine who I knew was struggling, so two or three of my friends and I went down to see him. He lives about an hour and a bit away and he was surprised, because it’s not something we usually do, but it really does help. It just shows him that he’s got people around him that he didn’t think he had."
It’s easy to say: "I’m fine." Do you have any tips on opening up the conversation?
"It’s difficult because it’s so hard to broach, but certainly talking about other things first helps, don’t go straight in asking: ‘What’s happening with your mental health?’ Usually, with men, there’s some sort of distraction – you don’t just go round to chat. So it might be: ‘Let’s watch the football,’ and then you can open up the conversation. It’s all about enquiring really, isn’t it? ‘How’s work? How’s the relationship?’"
Has there been a particularly emotional point in your career?
"A lot of people think footballers are paid well and doing a job they love, but it doesn’t matter what industry you are in or what you are doing, everyone has problems. I know footballers who’ve really struggled but been too embarrassed to say anything because, from the outside, people assume you’re having the time of your life. For me, retiring from football, something I’ve done since I was eight years old, was a really strange thing; you question your purpose. I’ve bottled things up and tried not to burden other people and, from experience, that’s far, far worse than opening up and getting help."
Peter is part of the Be A Wingman campaign
Exercise can support your mental health. How do you keep in shape?
"I used to go into training and that was my life – I’d feel good, mentally, because I was so active. As soon as I retired, I found myself feeling down and I didn’t have much energy. I thought I didn’t really need to exercise because I had done it for so long and it would be nice to just go on holiday and have a break. I did that for about a year until I realised that I had to start doing something. I’ve got a bizarre problem where I don’t put on weight, so I don’t exercise for that reason, but it makes me feel so much better. I do runs, go to the gym, swim and I play a lot of sports like tennis and a bit of padel."
Do you have any advice about dealing with pressure for the teams at the World Cup?
"What I would say, from my experience playing in two World Cups, is: enjoy it, because you don’t know if it might be your only one. These tournaments are such special things to be a part of. The whole nation’s involved and if you win it, you’ll be remembered forever. But make sure you enjoy it. It’s why you become a footballer in the first place."
Peter's Picks:
Nike Air Force 1 '07, £109.95, Nike
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L'Oreal Men Expert 24hr Anti-Fatigue Moisturiser, £10.59, Boots
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Adidas RX 100 padel racket, £85, Adidas
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Marc Jacobs Men eau de toilette, £73.85, Adam's
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L'Oreal Men Expert Hydra Energetic Eye Roll On, £12.49, Boots
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