Brooke Shields, 59, didn’t hold back with her emotions when she shared a heartfelt message on Instagram about both her daughters leaving home for college. The actor, model and founder of haircare brand Commence broke down after Rowan, 21 and Grier, 18 left home.
"It’s really not easy for the moms," Brooke admitted to her two million plus Instagram community. "I really started crying and then I cried a good portion of the ride home," she explained while sitting on her front porch.
Brooke's outpouring of grief is not uncommon amongst empty nesters, and 'Empty Nest Syndrome' is actually a recognized condition that many studies have found over half of parents experience when their children move out of home.
I myself can relate. My 19-year-old son, Oliver, left home for the first time last year. We had moved to America from the UK two years earlier, and now he was moving again, from Florida to Virginia - a whole three states and 803 miles away (yep, I was most certainly counting!) - it felt like he was moving to another planet.
But it wasn't just Oliver’s impending (and long-distance) physical departure that made my gut churn. It was the realization that he was becoming an independent adult, and a truly wonderful one at that.
And there’s the double-edged sword that comes with being an empty nester. Yes, things will never be the same again when your kids leave home. You'll feel sad and probably cry your eyes out every time you go past their bedroom - even in the weeks before they leave if you're anything like me!
But after witnessing your baby move out, and hopefully thrive at college like mine did, you'll realize that a surprising (and gut-wrenching) joy can come from being an empty nester.
"You’re not an 'empty nester' but a 'bird launcher'," my friend Trish told me. And with the help of hindsight, I've realized that it's so true!
Seeing your kids thrive away from home brings an immense pride and cultivates tears of a happy kind. The texts and unscheduled FaceTimes filled with exciting updates about their new life (and requests for food recipes) will bring you happiness and pride in a way you had never imagined.
"To watch your children blossom and go out into the world means you have done an amazing job," my other friend Charlotte added. "Although it can feel emotional, that comes from love, anticipation and the final realization that they have grown into beautiful human beings."
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And trust me, you'll soon be laughing at how you haven't missed the endless washing and food prep they bring home too. "My electric bill went down $150 a month, there's always food in my fridge and I sleep like a baby," my friend Elise chuckled when I asked if she was missing her daughter who'd left for college a year earlier.
"I don’t miss the constant meal prep, full kitchen sink and endless laundry," my friend Amy added. "But I do love the random texts, video calls and the excitement they share when something good happens in their life away from home."
Finding joy in an empty nest
Filling your newfound downtime is key to finding joy as an empty nester too. Make plans, have things to look forward to once they are grown and flown. One of my friends, Liz, found that traveling helped her cope. "Stan (the dog) and I hired a car and drove around Italy solo when my son Hector left home. I even wrote a blog about it."
Another friend assumed she would 'fall to pieces' when her daughter left home but instead, she is 'loving life' and has realized that it's a wonderful time to reconnect with who you are and have some real time for yourself. "It helps that my daughter is so happy, that's made it so much easier," Marti explained. "But it’s the first time I’ve ever been completely on my own, and I am loving my life."
So while your kids certainly leave a large hole in your home when they do leave, there is a bright side. And remember, when they do come home, the hugs will be so much sweeter, I promise!