It has been a very busy year for Nicole Kidman, who has had a growing tally of projects and accolades, however it has been in part marred with heartbreak.
The Special Ops: Lioness actress has had several projects release this year, among them The Perfect Couple, A Family Affair, Lioness, and the forthcoming erotic thriller Babygirl, but as she was about to be awarded the Venice Film Festival's Volpi Cup for best actress for the latter, she got news that her mother, Janelle Ann Kidman, passed away.
Her trip to Venice was cut short, and her Babygirl director, Halina Reijn said on her behalf at the time: "I am in shock and I have to go to my family, but this award is for her, she shaped me, she guided me, and she made me. I am beyond grateful that I get to say her name to all of you through Halina [Hejn], the collision of life and art is heart-breaking, and my heart is broken."
Now, speaking with Vanity Fair as part of their annual Hollywood issue, which also featured fellow stars such as Zendaya, Glen Powell, Dev Patel and Josh O'Connor, among others, Nicole delved into what she meant with her message then.
"She was my compass in a way. It's like losing that, but at the same time going, 'Okay, well, this is for her then,'" she shared.
The mother-of-four added: "So much of what she wanted for my sister and I was to create women in this world who felt like they could express themselves and have opportunities, especially things she didn't have from her generation."
© LUCY NICHOLSON"She loved my career, she really did. She would be there through all the ups and downs, all of it. Her essence has been pretty much the driving force through my whole life," she further shared, before noting: "I wish she could have seen this part of it. She was very excited to see Babygirl, and she was excited to see Perfect Couple too, but she didn't get to see either of those."
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Further in the interview, Nicole also reflected on the difficulty of her busy year and relationship with Hollywood, however it being one that she embraces. "Everything's hard now. Actually everything," she said, though noted: "I just think that's the nature of what we're dealing with now. Things are shrinking in terms of shows being done and films being made. I definitely feel it. I'm sure most people in the industry feel it. I know the crews feel it. I know writers feel it."
© James D. MorganStill, she maintained: "You're just along for the ride, and it is very much ups and downs and roller coasters, and you just go, Hold on tight. It's what I try to teach my kids because I don't know what their futures are: Hold on and go for it and take the opportunities when they arise and jump in and try something. The worst you can do is fail. That may be humiliating, but at least you don't go, Gosh, I wish I'd tried that, and I regret that I didn't."
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© Getty ImagesNicole has four children; she shares Bella, 31, and Connor, 29, with her ex-husband Tom Cruise, and Sunday, 16, and Faith, 13, with husband Keith Urban, who she married in 2006.
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© Monica SchipperShe further reflected: "I have been crazy in life, so whatever happens, it comes out in many different ways. I feel things intensely. I read a lot. I'm raising a family. I'm a wife, I'm a sister. I've got all these friends. I'm moving through the journey of life."
"It can be really hard, especially if you're very present and emotional and in it. And then there's an enormous amount of sheer joy. That was one of the greatest pieces of advice I was ever given once: Don't think ahead to something bad happening. Stay in the moment when it's good, because you need to nourish during that time. You will have the fortitude to ride out when it's not. If you're already not allowing in the nourishment of the joy and the good times, that's the wrong way to live."
