Richard Gadd’s TV show Baby Reindeer has been a huge hit with viewers and is currently the number one worldwide most-watched show on Netflix. The show is based on a true story. It follows a comedian who becomes alarmed when an admirer’s attentions grows obsessive and into stalking - and highlights how difficult it is to obtain a restraining order.
The show also looks at Richard’s character Donny’s struggle with trauma, as a male mentor sexually assaulted him and is dealing with his feelings of confusion and shame. In one scene, he has made it to the finals of a comedy show where his stand-up falls flat, and he instead delivers a heartwrenching monologue about his experiences, including confessing to his relationship with a trans woman, Teri, that he had previously kept secret, being assaulted, and being stalked. But did this moment happen?
In the monologue, he says: “I used to think genuinely, hear me out, I used to think that what you're seeing here is like breaking the mould. I'd watch these other comics rising above me and I never understood, why them but not me but then bam, reality smacks me in the face. I am so [expletive] naive. I was so naive in thinking that this was something special.
© -“I was so naive in thinking that this was something special, that when a writer sweeps you off your feet and says, 'Hey, you've got it kid, let's make you famous,' you believe every word he's going to say to you because it's the words you wanted to hear your entire life, right? 'I believe in you, as much as you believe in yourself.’ So when this writer says he only works with wild ones and to face my fears, well, it's not long before I'm round his house taking boatloads of drugs every weekend, and isn't getting groomed magical?”
© Ed Miller/NetflixAlthough there is no sign that Richard had a breakdown on stage in real life, moments from his stand-up that appear on the show are available to watch on YouTube, including a routine at the Chortle Student Comedy Award in 2012, where he made the same joke as in the show: “I know what you’re thinking. Venus Williams has let herself go.” However, the reception was much warmer than in the show, with Richard getting plenty of laughs.
Commenting on the video, one person wrote: “Interestingly it seems like this was pretty well-received irl than depicted in the Netflix show! The anti-comedy thing seems more apparent here,” while another person added: “This is it! The real-life scene from the movie.”
© NetflixA third person added: “I just finished Baby Reindeer and I didn't expect his comedy to be this good omg! That show broke me, I've never cried so much from a show, and I cry a lot at shows.”
MORE: Baby Reindeer star Nava Mau shares insight into Richard Gadd's real-life relationship with Teri
Richard also had a show titled ‘Monkey See, Monkey Do,’ in which he ran on a treadmill while describing his feelings of anxiety and PTSD after being assaulted, so the monologue from the show could be from this piece of work - but it is currently unavailable to watch.
© Ed Miller/NetflixSpeaking to Refinery29 about dealing with trauma and his show back in 2017, he said: “Outside, you feel like an empty shell but inside, you feel like a raging fire. It’s very weird, it’s very weird, it’s a very strange feeling, you only feel it on the inside. The outer powerlessness, the inner fire. Assault lasts for years – but people seem to think it’s an incident. People think ‘rape’ is the moment of penetration. But it lasts forever.”
