It's been six years since Pauley Perrette left NCIS and four since she retired from acting, and the 55-year-old has now revealed why she will "never again" return to the screen.
"I'm not ungrateful for the benefits that it gave to me," she told HELLO!
"But I'm a different person now and I want to be here for it – the good and the bad and the painful. I want to be me all the time, and it takes a good amount of courage for me to say that to myself but it's authentically how I feel."
© Emma McIntyre/Getty ImagesPauley began acting in the early 1990s "accidentally," after she studied criminal science and sociology in college with plans to work for the FBI. She made guest appearances in shows including Frasier and the Oscar-nominated film Almost Famous before starring in Time of Your Life, a spin-off of Party of Five with Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jennifer Garner.
In 2003 she joined the then-new CBS series NCIS as Abby Sciuto, a forensic scientist at the Naval Criminal Investigative Service headquarters at the Washington Navy Yard.
"There's no drug that I ever did that worked as well as being an actor," she once said of acting. "What you're looking for with substance abuse is escape. But with acting, you can escape into 1,000 different things without almost killing yourself doing it. Acting is a total drug!"
© CBSBut Pauley, who is now executive producing documentaries including Studio One Forever, added to HELLO!: "At this point in my life I have this deep need to find authenticity in everything, and being an actor, especially at certain points in my life, was a great escape; it's like a drug because I didn't have to be me, I could be somebody else. My character didn't have all of the problems that I was having.
"It's why I only watch documentaries, I want the truth. For me, going back to being an actor would be taking away from this life of true authenticity that I'm living 100% of the time."
© GettyThree years after Pauley left NCIS, after a series of allegations against co-star Mark Harmon, she took to social media in 2019 to tell fans she was "NOT COMING BACK! EVER!" to NCIS.
Speaking of her own retirement in 2020, Pauley told fans: "Actually I retired after NCIS but BROKE was important, beautiful.I did my last dance & am proud of it! Everyone that knows me knew I was retiring right after. I’m proud of my work. I love you guys! I AM FREE!!! (To be the tiny little simple human I am!)."
