Heart pulverizingly tough, yet all kinds of magical. Like anyone who has ever downloaded a matchmaking app, I know these paradoxical emotions come with dating.
And they are at the heart of a new, incredibly watchable Netflix series Nobody Wants This. Starring the hilarious, elfin Kristen Bell as perennially single Joanne and handsome Adam Brody as the respectful, thoughtful, charming Noah, it charts their against-the-odds romance.
Joanne is a podcaster who has previously dated unavailable, unsuitable men. Noah is a (hot) rabbi whose family would much rather he marry a nice Jewish girl. These sub 30-minute episodes (deliciously short!) are packed with humour and pathos. Perfect autumn watching - it being cuffing season and all.
Whilst Joanne and Noah's LA houses and Hollywood good looks are absolutely not real life, what feels relatable to me is their age (44) and the universality of their dating experiences.
In the first episode, we see Noah's girlfriend Rebecca so desperate to get married she breaks into his drawer, finds his grandmother's ring and just starts wearing it. It prompts him to break up with her. It's an example of the show's sensitive lens that, rather than make her a figure of fun, her behaviour is seen with compassion.
The show also has an insightful take on why we opt for certain people even though they don't make us happy. Erin Foster, the series creator says when she met her husband, Simon Tikhman in 2018, she realised "finding the right person can be hard."
"When you're with the wrong person, everything is their fault," said Foster. "You pick someone who's cheating and lying and disrespecting you and it's like you're perfect. When someone shows up who is healthy and accountable, you start to realise all the things that you do that are bad in a relationship."
DISCOVER: Nobody Wants This is a real-life 'love letter' from Erin Foster to her husband
Whatever your age or stage, whether you live in LA or Lancashire, it seems we all grapple with the same dating dilemmas. Here are a few the show throws up.
There are obstacles
Newsflash there will always be hurdles to love. And sorry to say, but as you get older, they will have accumulated. Kids, finances, distance, backgrounds. It's navigating them with self-reflection, calmness and generosity that will make the difference.
© NetflixThere are defence mechanisms
You have to spend time and effort working out what yours are. There's a touching scene where Joanne struggles to open up to Noah. Eventually she tells him it's because her mum was overly emotional and needy and she thinks that's what pushed her dad away.
READ: Navigating 'exhausting' midlife dating – from people who have been there
There are exes
Always. Unless you are 16 or have been living in a nunnery/monastery, respectively. Early on, Noah's ex ends up in hospital and it means he doesn’t text Joanne for a crucial few hours. It takes poise and self-restraint to navigate past this. It also gives Joanne the killer line. "She broke her wrist for attention. It was a very high-level move. I respect it."
© NetflixThere is 'the ick'
Joanne gets the ick when Noah turns up at her parents' house with flowers and wearing a 'sport coat.'
We've all been there, when your beloved arrives in something sartorially terrible (I'm thinking flammable football top) or is goofy in front of your friends. This requires self-reflection from you and confidence from them. Noah handles it well and says: "You can self-sabotage all you want, but I think you should get over it."
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