Blackness is often synonymous with a struggle that feels insurmountable.
I felt the struggle most recently watching the vitriol on Twitter roll in after Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's documentary aired on Netflix. A documentary to me, which just felt like watching two people fall in love became fodder for racists and bigots.
I felt it again during the backlash against Ngozi Fulani in November 2022 following her visit to the palace when she was asked where she was from.
I think that when you experience racism, whether on a micro or macro level, you become used to fight, flight, or freeze. It's an emotional rollercoaster that leaves you feeling powerless and without justice. And those feelings can consume you and leave you without room for anything else.
I would never dismiss these very real and painful moments of racism as something we should just "get over" or even something that is "part of life." But the sting of racism that I so often feel is tempered by moments of love, tenderness, and care. It’s softened by laughter, fun, and luxury.
Racism is tempered by moments of love, tenderness, and care
The pockets of joy; the moments of kinship, the moments where you find someone who relays exactly how you are feeling in that moment. In the ritual of putting on makeup, or putting together an outfit you know absolutely bangs, to the moments where you go home to that good food your family always makes… these are feelings of ease and simplicity that are invaluable.
I like to lean into the moments of simplicity. The moments of ease. Those are where I have found all of my joyful moments.
I felt tearful joy recently listening to Trevor Noah’s "One Last Thank You" speech as he bid farewell to the Daily Show after hosting for seven years.
"Special shoutout to black women," he began, crediting the black women in his life, from his mom to his aunties, activists to authors, scholars, journalists and writers that have educated him directly and inadvertently over the years.
"They are the reason that I’m here," he said, and that moment resonated deeply for me.
WATCH: Trever Noah shouts out the black women in his life
Black women are the reason that I am here. Black people are the reason that I am here. And when you hear it expressed in this way, it sounds overly simple and complex all at once.
I feel the same simple joy when I see the community come together every year to raise money for Tanya Compas’s LGBTQIA+ charity, Exist Loudly, which hosts a Queer Black Christmas for queer young people across the UK who are experiencing homelessness, living in temporary accommodation or in hostile home environments.
I felt the joy again at Black Girl Fest’s Brunch with the Gworls, where I got to hear about the opening of a new community space for Black people to gather, connect, and collaborate.
There is so much joy in finding your community
Joy cropped up once more when Lizzo used her People's Choice Award to celebrate female activists who are doing grassroots work in their community, raising funds, resources and awareness for those so often overlooked.
Lizzo ended her speech by saying: "Give them their flowers," which resonates loudly in the black community. It's the act of acknowledging the achievements of people while they are still around to receive the accolades and recognition they deserve.
WATCH: Lizzo shone the spotlight on activists during her People's Choice Awards speech
There is so much joy in finding your community, finding your people, and ultimately your family. And taking time to celebrate this is something that we so rarely get to do. You can be loud in your celebrations, or quiet - as always there is no right way to be. But it is only in the recognition of ourselves and of others, in all that we do for this world and all that we are, that we can start to feel liberated.
We find our joys in many different ways - in the same way that our Blackness and how we communicate it is not always the same, we will find our joy in places that may even be unexpected. And it's liberating to know that despite any anxiety, stress or guilt, joy is coming, always.
Find Nicole on her podcast Mixed Up and on Instagram.
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