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Why you'll never be happy without this one key thing

Confidence and mindset coach Hattie MacAndrews explains the one thing you need if you want to feel happier

Melanie Macleod
Wellness Editor
Updated: March 20, 2023
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Think about the things that are important to you; happiness, success, relationships, love, adventure — what do they all have in common?

"Confidence is at the core of them all," explains confidence and mindset coach Hattie MacAndrews. "Self-confidence is intrinsically linked to happiness and I don't believe you can feel one, without feeling the other," she continues.

"The more your confidence grows, the happier you become and as a result, your confidence grows. It's a win-win."

Confidence coach Hattie MacAndrews© Photo: Instagram

Confidence coach Hattie MacAndrews has stellar advice on how to be happier

How does confidence make us happier?

Once you start to believe in yourself, you're able to build resilience, strength, courage and determination, Hattie explains.

"With confidence, you learn to adapt and overcome challenges before they knock you sideways," she says. "You back yourself to chase your goals and follow your dreams, ultimately enabling you to feel happy and more content in life.

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"Your drive and motivation increases, success feels within reach, and you remove barriers that hold you back from feeling happy, successful or content."

Without confidence, we can struggle to enjoy life, but the confident mindset comes from within — and Hattie says it's completely within our power to make positive changes to improve our mindset, let our confidence grow and focus on feeling happy.

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There are easy ways to grow confidence

So what can we do to boost our confidence?

1. Focus on what makes you happy

"It sounds so simple, but when negative thoughts start spiralling, it's easy to lose track of the things that make us feel good," laments Hattie.

She suggests writing a list of absolutely everything that makes you feel happy, no matter how big, small or silly it feels. No matter if it's lighting a brand new candle, sitting in the sun, watching a film or eating a tasty breakfast, write it all down.

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"You can consult your list when you feel your happiness dipping," Hattie says. "By leaning on those small things, you'll feel your mood start to shift and your confidence grow. Let your list be your guiding light when you start to feel lost or you notice your spark dimming."

2. Leave your comfort zone

"This often feels counterintuitive, but a brilliant way to develop confidence is to find your comfort zone, and then step (or jump!) out of it," advises Hattie.

"There's nothing more rewarding than the feeling of achievement after accomplishing something that previously felt scary or daunting.

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"I regularly encourage clients to challenge themselves, not only for the self-gratification but to help them realise they never really had anything to be afraid of in the first place.

"It's helpful to check in with yourself and ask, 'what's the worst thing that can happen?' This is a brilliant technique when it comes to dating and relationships, and it's incredibly effective for public speaking too."

Young woman grinning © Photo: Getty Images

Leaving your comfort zone could make you feel more confident

3. Embrace vulnerability

In a similar vein to stepping out of your comfort zone, accepting your own vulnerability is key to confidence, according to clinical psychologist Dr. Julie Smith.

"Confidence and vulnerability are directly linked," she says. "If you only spend time with confidence, and only do things you feel confident doing, that confidence can never grow beyond that situation.

"The key to growing in confidence is to be willing to be without it, and moving towards vulnerability. The more time you're willing to spend being vulnerable, the more chance your confidence has to start growing."

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4. Accept failure

Nobody likes to feel like they've failed, but accepting that it might happen is key to confidence.

"To build confidence we must improve our relationship with failure," confirms Dr, Julie. "Recognise that mistakes are not who you are as a person. They are a learning experience. Separate them from your self-worth so that you can use that learning rather than sink into self-loathing."

5. Reframe your thought pattern 

Often a new perspective or switching up your mindset is all you need to reframe your thought pattern and enhance self-confidence, according to Hattie.

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"For example, if you're doubting your performance at work (hello imposter syndrome!), stop and ask yourself 'what's another way I can look at this?'

"It might be that you need to remind yourself of all the things you're brilliant at, or write down everything you have achieved or succeeded at within the workplace," Hattie adds,

"Switching your mindset will always help with boosting confidence, as it enables you to focus on the positive, and look at what you can change as opposed to what you can't."

6. Let go of what you can't control

"We're living in a culture of comparison, and it's not doing anyone's happiness any good,” says Hattie.

"This feeds into not feeling good enough, and results in a deteriorating sense of confidence and low self-worth. You can change this and increase happiness by focusing on what you can control, and letting go of what you can't.

"The shift you will feel inside yourself when you start to let go of worrying about what other people think is enormous. It's liberating and freeing and empowering and a wonderful way to boost your confidence."

Find out more about Hattie's work

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