Alopecia meant I started losing my hair when I was 13. By the time I was 17, I was almost completely bald. Losing my hair was a traumatic experience which is difficult to describe.
People think losing your hair is just cosmetic, but it’s so much more than that and can have a huge impact on your self-esteem and mental health.
At 17, I just wanted to fit in and look ‘normal’ so I began wearing a wig, a habit which I held onto for 30 years. I don’t think I had ever seen a bald woman – on the street, on TV, or in a magazine so I didn’t think it was even an option to embrace my hair loss.
Wearing a wig allowed me to get on with things and almost pretend I hadn’t lost my hair – not just to everyone else, but to myself too.
My wig helped me carry on as if nothing had happened, though I cringe now when I look back at old photos of myself in those early wigs as they look so 'wiggy'!
But with hindsight, I didn’t really feel more confident as I was constantly worrying about how my wig looked, would it slip and had my eyebrows rubbed off?
How losing my hair impacted my confidence
Losing my hair made me extremely self-conscious. I was always worrying that people were wondering if I was wearing a wig. I used to love sport, but I stopped playing because I was afraid the wig would come off or slip and I’d be embarrassed.
Not being active also had a knock on my self-confidence. I feel much better when I am fitter and playing sport is such a great way to build confidence and make friends.
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However, I've worn my wig for so long I honestly don’t even notice I am wearing it, it’s become such a habit. But it’s not always comfortable – particularly in summer or when I’m working out.
Gaining the confidence to go wig-free
I have been thinking for a few years that it would be nice to not wear my wig all the time and since getting involved with Alopecia UK and meeting lots of other people with alopecia who look great without a wig, I started to think it was an option for me.
I had taken it off a few times on holiday safe in the knowledge no one would know me, but the first time I did that in a more familiar environment was when I was at a concert earlier this year with my daughter.
I saw a young woman who was bald sitting a few rows in front of me, she looked great and was having a good time as I sat there all hot from my wig - I just thought ‘Why not?’. It was quite liberating, though I put it back on on the train home!
As I look back at when I was younger, I realise it’s so important to see people who look like you to give you the confidence to be yourself, so I want to try to be that person for younger people with alopecia.
The more people see a bald person, the less it will become a big deal, they won’t stare and the person with alopecia will feel more comfortable.
The decision to finally ditch my wig was my 15-year-old son developing alopecia and shaving all his hair off – if he is brave enough to face it then I felt I should too.
I felt like a different person without my wig
It’s almost like I am two people; one at home without the wig and one everywhere else, so it feels very strange to mix the two. The few times I have been without it on holiday, people do stare a bit – though mainly children and it’s just because they’re not used to seeing bald women.
I’m not really worried about people making unkind comments, and the reaction since I told people about my wig-free week has been universally supportive so that’s been a great help.
Going wig-free has boosted my confidence
I’ve been really blown away by how supportive all my family, friends, colleagues and even people I don’t know have been.
I didn’t think I could look pretty or feminine without my wig, but having that support has given me confidence. Some people do stare a bit, but that’s OK – having this new confidence gets me through, but more so, I hope it will help someone else feel better about the way they look or give them the confidence to be themselves – that’s quite empowering.
Now I am in my forties I don’t care so much about looking different or standing out, there’s nothing wrong with it and really I just wish I’d had the courage and confidence to do it years ago.
It feels great to be myself. I can just relax and not worry about adjusting the wig to make it look natural. From a practical perspective, it is so much nicer not to wear it when working out, or swimming, or when the weather is nice – though I can see it getting quite chilly in winter!
I’d like to get to the point where I pick and choose when I wear my wig. I used to think I would need to wear it if I wanted to look more ‘glamorous’ but this wig-free week has given me the confidence to know I don’t need it and can look just as good without.
Emma is raising money for Alopecia UK, visit her fundraising page here