Since the age of 15, Billie Eilish has been in the public eye, when her song "Ocean Eyes" first started making the rounds on social media.
As such, the singer-songwriter, now 21, has essentially grown up under the spotlight, and in a new interview, confessed that it came with its big ups and downs.
In a new cover story for Allure, written by Arabelle Sicardi, Billie reflected on the lack of privacy in her personal life, and admitted that she wasn't having the easiest time.
When asked if she ever wanted to retreat from the limelight and all the exposure, she replied: "All the time. But I can do that. That's the thing about diving into the hurt – I don't need to do that.
"I'm starting to do better, but I've not been doing so great, to be honest. For a while. I have impending-doom feelings most of the day. When I think too much about it, how I can never have privacy again, it's enough to make you want to do all sorts of crazy things. But you have to let it go."
Billie further elaborated on the moment she realized she didn't have to be in control of her life and her emotions all the time, saying: "There was this moment when I was in Paris, we were driving around, and I was in a bad place."
© Cho Gi-SeokShe added: "It was not a good time for ol' Bill. I was not getting better, and didn't know when I would. And this motorcycle pulled up next to the car, and this guy's helmet had a sticker on it that said in all caps, 'Move on.'
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"I was sitting there like, Oh. Message received. I have a really big problem with control, so I've been trying to teach myself that there are things out of your control and you have to move on."
© Cho Gi-SeokThe "Bad Guy" singer defiantly continued: "I have settled many times with things and people and life. I've settled for less than I deserved, and I'm not going to do that anymore."
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She touched on similar themes in a 2021 interview with The Guardian, the day after her long-awaited sophomore album, Happier Than Ever, came out.
© Getty ImagesOf her fans, Billie said: "When it comes to fans, it's complicated. I don't even know where to start. I don't really know how to keep a boundary."
"I've had such a good relationship with the fans since the beginning, and they have literally been the number one priority for me. Half of me wants to tell the fans everything – every single thing I think and feel, and every person I meet, and every feeling I have – because I think of them as like my friends.
© Getty Images"But at the same time, I also really, really want to live privately. So it's tough."
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