Jada Pinkett Smith has revealed that she was diagnosed with complex trauma with PTSD and dissociation, and that things once got so bad that she "wanted to be on this earth less and less".
Writing in her new autobiography, Worthy, mom-of-two Jada shared that she had spent decades going through the motions, feeling a disconnect between "the so-called perfect life I had achieved and the well of loss I carried with me".
© Instagram"For two decades, I had been putting on a good face, going with the flow, telling everyone I was okay. Yet underneath, bouts of depression and overwhelming hopelessness had smoldered until they turned into raging hellfire in my broken heart," she wrote, as revealed in an excerpt shared by People magazine.
"Unwelcome feelings — of not deserving love — made it harder to understand the disconnect between the so-called perfect life I had achieved and the well of loss I carried with me. Therapy helped up to a point. It got me to forty! But to what end?"
© Getty ImagesShe continued: "I had sought help everywhere you can imagine — from Goddess gatherings, silent yoga retreats, backpacking alone, studying every religion you can think of, you name it. I even went to Cuba and met with a Padrino (that was intense). None of it offered a lasting solution.
"Adding to my distress, Will [Smith, her husband] and I weren’t in a good place and hadn’t been for a while. I couldn’t make it right no matter how hard I tried. We couldn’t hear or see each other — at all. Confiding in my close friends seemed unfair to them and to Will and me.
"And so, by Thanksgiving, I’d fallen into despair and wanted to be on this earth less and less. This was not living."
© Trae Patton/NBCJada will also be interviewed next week by Today's Hoda Kotb, and the news anchor revealed on Friday that there will be some "shocking" revelations.
Hoda was promoting her in-depth chat with the actress and confessed that a big part of the interview will be focusing on Jada and her husband Will Smith, their long-time marriage, and that Oscars slap.
Hoda said: "I learned some shocking developments which I was unaware of," which caught the attention of her co-hosts Savannah Guthrie and Craig Melvin.
Talking of the controversial moment when Will slapped Chris Rock across the face for making a joke about Jada's hair loss, Hoda continued: "She [Jada] was sitting next to Will during that Oscars slap. She has a different perspective. People kept asking, 'Why did it happen?' She actually weighs in and explains what she saw from her perspective."
Worthy by Jada Pinkett Smith will be released on Tuesday, October 17.
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