Like so many women, I wasn’t prepared for menopause. I knew lots of the symptoms to expect, but deep down I was not ready to accept those early changes that began materialising in my mid-40s.
Looking back, I can see I was quietly trying to convince myself that I was still too young to be menopausal. The changes were subtle at first. Hot flushes became more frequent and often happened at night, so I could sometimes blame it on a little more wine at dinner maybe, but for the first time in my life I realised that good sleep was not something I could take for granted. My sleep pattern was impacted and unlikely to return to the way it was, and I immediately missed it.
Randomly throughout the day, I would suddenly feel hot and my skin was sweaty for no reason. Thankfully migraines were few and far between, but I realised they were also part of my body’s changes and I had to hope they would not be too frequent.
My biggest concern was the effect these hormonal changes would have on my ability to function with confidence and clarity. For most of the time I was fine, ready to take on the world, but I wasn’t ready for the days when I just lost it. My confidence was low and I felt I had no ability to deal with day-to-day issues.
This wasn’t me, but an imposter who was struggling to deal with basics for no reason. Also why did I have to deal with the menopause? I was excited for my next career chapter, having just launched my ethical porn site Frolicme.com, created to provide a safe place for women and couples to explore and enjoy healthy sexuality and learn the benefits that sex can bring.
At the time my girlfriends were opening up about their own perimenopausal challenges. The majority of us were experiencing headline changes and we all had varied coping mechanisms as our symptoms varied in consequence, frequency and intensity.
I was open-minded about alternative solutions and lifestyle changes. I made sure I kept active with Pilates, the gym, walking when I could, all of which I found good for balancing anxiety and tension.
I became more mindful and started reflexology again. Some find meditation can help and mindful breathing, I also found giving myself more self-care and personal time through pleasure was very positive.
READ: I had the worst perimenopause, here's how I fixed it
Menopause is a hormonal issue, therefore our body’s sexual chemistry can play a huge part in creating natural highs. Engaging positively releases our feel-good hormones and natural chemicals of dopamine and oxytocin as well as endorphins, serotonin, and prolactin to help counter stress, improve sleep and elevate feelings of wellbeing.
Partnered sex or enjoying self-pleasure can help deal with issues of our pelvic floor and ensure good blood flow to our vagina which can ease vaginal dryness.
What I wish I'd known
I looked at HRT, but I soon learnt that it wasn’t a one-size-fits-all all solution. It had to be used to fine-tune and balance your body and that can take time and some adjusting.
It appeared to not work for everyone, but can show incredible results for some. What I was learning more about is the power of our own bodies and indeed how our sexual health is key to our overall wellbeing.
Menopause doesn't mean we have to lose ourselves as sexual beings. Our libidos always ebb and flow through our lives and in menopause still be stimulated.
It is important to realise that so much is reflected in what we might lose during menopause, and our sexual interest and libidos being one aspect. However, it can also be a liberating time on the other side and shouldn’t signify the demise of who we are and can be, we are still capable of enjoying a full and busy life.
Read more inspiring stories of women in their Second Act here.
Anna Richards is a pleasure positivity educator and founder of ethical sex platform Frolicme.com