Experiencing postpartum depression (PPD) caught me completely off guard. After dealing with mild anxiety during my teenage years, I thought I was prepared for the emotional rollercoaster of motherhood. Little did I know, the perfect storm of a Covid lockdown and the uncertainties surrounding my child's birth would lead me into a challenging journey.
I had invested time in hypnobirthing during pregnancy, hoping to make the birth a calm experience, but my labour took a traumatic turn, leaving me feeling utterly out of control. The stress and uncertainty surrounding the pandemic only amplified my anxiety.
As my body tried to recover and deal with sleep deprivation, it hit my mind hard. My brain seemed to be enveloped in a heavy fog. I reached out to the doctors for help, but the overwhelmed healthcare system meant I had to wait 12 weeks for a counselling appointment.
© GettyI felt like I'd failed at something that was meant to be so natural. I was frustrated that my body hadn't been able to give birth the way I had planned, upset that my mind was so overwhelmed and disappointed that my postpartum time wasn't like what I'd seen on Instagram.
There's such a stigma surrounding postpartum depression, and it's made tougher by being told new motherhood is the most amazing experience and being encouraged to love every minute because it goes so fast. This type of rhetoric can make women who are experiencing the effects of PPD feel isolated and like it’s their fault that they’re feeling this way.
The journey through postpartum depression was difficult, marked by moments of feeling both physically and emotionally drained. As the wait for professional help was long, I leaned on the support of friends and family.
In an attempt to reclaim some sense of normalcy, I turned to exercise. However, the toll on my recovering and changed body was immense. My hips ached, my knees felt awful and climbing stairs felt like a marathon. The added struggle of ill-fitting clothes, a consequence of substantial weight gain during pregnancy, only added to the difficulty.
That said, as soon as I started to move my body more, I felt better. As a yoga teacher, I'm used to being active, so after the recovery phase, I began doing slow movements, daily walks, and it all helped.
© Luke Brown, Figmento FilmsI’d gained a substantial amount of weight in pregnancy and didn’t feel like myself. I was used to my body working in certain ways - and it wasn’t playing ball anymore.
DISCOVER: Why exercise can make you feel like yourself again - no mum guilt allowed
Turning a corner
When I had a few moments, I would try to do a yoga flow but found it a real strain, particularly on my knees. I was sick of wanting to do exercise to make myself feel better but feeling uncomfortable.
So, I grabbed a pair of leggings and sewed some bra pads to the outside to make my knees more comfortable. It made a big difference, so I found myself looking online for knee-padded leggings, only to find nothing suitable on the market.
© Luke Brown, Figmento FilmsWith that, PADA was born – my makeshift solution involving bra pads turned into working with British fashion designers to create the perfect knee-padded leggings so that every woman could grab their pair of PADAs when they want to move in comfort and ease.
READ: Why didn't anyone warn me how bad mum guilt would be?
The brand name itself derives from the Sanskrit word for foot, or footstep. I liked that it felt like you were stepping forward into a stronger version of yourself.
Creating a brand that helps women has been one of the most amazing experiences of my life. To hear the feedback is so heartwarming and is the reason I started this in the first place.
© Luke Brown, Figmento FilmsA customer told me that they have started running with confidence again thanks to PADA, after badly injuring their knee and fearing that they will fall again. Another has said that PADA has enabled them to feel comfortable during yoga with an arthritic knee. Another was sick of using dancers' knee pads whilst yachting and uses them to stop her knees from going black and blue during sailing holidays.
© Luke Brown, Figmento FilmsExperiencing overwhelm
I often felt overwhelmed wearing so many hats for my brand - marketing, social media, finance, product design and so on. However, my dad used to say to me, 'How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time'. It's the most bizarre saying (thanks, dad!) but it really does stick with me daily.
READ: What if I don't want to 'have it all?'
Confidence in my decisions
Since launching PADA, I'm more confident in my decisions. I make them thoughtfully and with my gut.
I feel so content that out of my struggles, a brand that helps others has been born. To others struggling with PPD, I want them to know that the storm will pass. You're an amazing mum and you're doing far, far better than you think.
Shop PADA here and learn how to be happier with our HELLO! Happiness Hub
