Several years ago, I was smack bang in the middle of a fertility crisis and entrenched in the depths of despair.
After being diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) at 19, I was told I'd find it difficult to conceive and when I eventually started trying for a baby in my mid-thirties, I experienced six miscarriages over five years, one heartbreakingly at 19 weeks, leaving me feeling incredibly lonely and suffering from crippling anxiety.
They say you need the bad to appreciate the good and I can definitely relate, but at the time, if you'd told me that one day I would be grateful for what was happening to me, I probably would have slapped you in the face. But the truth is, looking back, I wouldn’t change any of it.
I went on to give birth to my two boys 20 months apart in 2017 and 2019 and the experience gave me the idea to launch my women’s health business, MyOva, in 2016, helping other women with PCOS.
Finding gratitude
I call myself a recovering pessimist, because since those days of trying to conceive, I realised I have a whole lot to be thankful for.
After my youngest son was born, we moved our family from London to another city for a fresh start. It was in the middle of lockdown with not much to do, so I set about dealing with my anxiety and the first place I started was with gratitude.
I made a list of all the positive things I wanted in my life and wrote them down as if they had already happened in a sentence that started, 'I’m so grateful for…'
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I bought a gratitude journal and started writing three things I was already thankful for every morning and evening. I used to get stuck in the beginning, but I was determined not to repeat things and tried to find something new to feel grateful for every day, even if it was a comfy bed to sleep in at night and clean water to drink.
Turning my life around
After three years of gratitude practice, my life has done a complete 360 and I’m so grateful that my experiences inspired me to create MyOva, a supplements brand that not only makes me feel good but also helps thousands of women by advocating for them when they're going through similar hormonal journeys to mind.
This incredible opportunity would never have happened had I not been through multiple baby losses and I’m grateful that this new purpose has reassured me that what I went through was meant as part of my journey.
I’m grateful I have a job that fits around my family and that I run it with my partner, so we have complete flexibility around the children and I’m grateful that we both get to take our children to school, pick them up daily and are present in their lives.
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I’m also incredibly grateful I have overcome my anxiety and for the new friends I have made in my new city. I have female founder friends, exercise buddies and my wonderful friend Amy, who is spookily into all the same things as me.
Above everything, I’m grateful for my children, whom I thought I would never have, and I’m also thankful to my mum and my partner, James, for not letting me give up when things got so bad trying to conceive that I felt like I couldn’t go on.
I wish that when I was struggling with fertility issues, I knew about the transformative power of gratitude. It's easy to be thankful when everything's going well, but you have to dig deep when things aren't. But this is where the magic happens. Life isn't linear and the best advice I've ever had is to lean on gratitude when things don't go according to plan.
When I'm feeling low or things aren't going well, I list all the positives about that tricky situation. Every time I'm pulled down by negative thoughts, I get out the list and read it out loud. It's like I'm killing the situation with kindness and it makes me at least feel I'm doing something positive, especially when life feels out of my control.