My decision to start running was driven by an eating disorder.
I was bulimic and I decided I didn't want to bring up food anymore as it meant I struggled to have a social life. I started running to stay slim, but I never could have imagined the positive impact it would have on my life.
I'd always been too self-conscious to exercise before – and I'm not alone, with a recent study by Asics showing that 55% of women say they don't exercise due to low self-confidence, but running very quickly improved my relationship with my body. It helped improve my self-esteem and over the course of a year, it was running that helped me out of my eating disorder.
Running meant I was no longer focusing on what my body looked like, but what it could do, and it helped me give my body the respect it needed. My desire to run further and for longer made me want to sleep better, eat well and take care of myself, which I wasn't doing well before that.
While running became a way for me to maintain my mental health, it didn't save me from becoming ill again. In 2017, I found myself in a dark place, battling suicidal thoughts. The only thing that helped me stay afloat was going for a run with my mum every single Sunday.
It became a ritual, with her dragging me out of bed despite my low energy and I found myself opening up on those runs in a way that I wasn't able to with therapy.
I struggled during that period with holding eye contact because I was feeling so vulnerable, so it helped that when we were running the focus wasn't on the talking. The removal of eye contact was a really big deal for me and running served as a distraction from the deep topics we were talking about.
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When I was feeling a bit better, I wanted to find a running group with a gentle approach where you can turn up and not be full of energy. I wanted to replicate the open, vulnerable space I had with my mum, where I wasn't forced to embrace 'good vibes' on my dark days.
When I couldn't find a space for this, I set up Run Talk Run, five KM pace-inclusive runs where people can talk openly and vulnerably.
We invite people to come to the runs with a willingness to be vulnerable and right from the offset you're able to form strong bonds because you're talking about the things that really matter.
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Through Run Talk Run, I've made incredibly strong friendships because we don't dance around with small talk, and we get right in there.
Running changed my life in every way, and I find it emotional that there are Run Talk Run groups all around the UK, supporting others.
