Don’t get me wrong, and I know it’s a cliche, but I genuinely love winding down after a long day in a warm bath or shower, soaking my skin with calming aromatherapy oils followed by a side order of Netflix and Diptyque candle light.
And until recently, this is what I thought self care meant. Especially due to my job as a Beauty Editor, where a quick ‘self care’ search in my email inbox serves up subject lines like:
- Head Care, Scalp Care is Self Care
- Mindful Cleansing will Soothe Away Stresses
- Fragrances to Ease Your Mind
According to the National Institute of Mental Health self care is: taking the time to do things that help you live well and improve both your physical health and mental health.
So yes, trying to fix my post menopausal haze of hot sweats, anxiety and heart palpitations with evenings spent on the couch wearing nothing but a silky robe and a face mask certainly speaks to that definition. And I’lI admit that even my monthly visits to the nail salon makes life feel a bit lighter and my mind feel more put together.
But the problem I discovered is that those ‘self love’ fixes were temporary and the middle-of-the-night panic button still went off regardless of how nice my nails looked or how many minutes I’d spent in the shower.
Menopause had knocked me for six anxiety-wise and in order to take control, a few weeks ago I literally took control. Of every aspect of my life. How? I dissected my days and looked at what made me happy and what didn’t. What made a good day and what made a bad day.
Dissecting my days
And whilst I noted that those previous pamper sessions helped a bad day get better, I realized that the days when I felt my best, and the nights that I slept well, had something in common: I had discipline. I had routine. I had stuck to a rigid timetable:
Wake up at 6:30. School run. Gym. Shower. Work. Lunch. School Run. Dinner. TV. Skincare. Bed.
Those days were the days I felt most happy.
So I decided to take control, be disciplined and stick to this routine. Everyday. Of course, life happens, but I have realized that even on those days that are peppered with nights out, events and travel, including certain non-negotiable habits made me feel so much better.
Early mornings, exercise, good food, no booze, lots of water and early nights…
ADVICE: I had crippling perimenopausal insomnia - here's how I cured it
These habits now have to be in my routine regardless of life events. The no booze part has been the most challenging but sticking to a sober life has made all of the difference. I have to be strict but it’s worth it as life since has been happier. Easier. More positive.
”Discipline is everything,” Harvard’s happiness expert, Arthur Brooks pointed out to me recently. “And the problem with the whole idea of self care is that it suggests that you should take it easy, but self care is not taking it easy. It is about being disciplined and doing the things that really work for you and that really matter.”
READ: I went through early menopause – now I help other women through it
Doing the things that work for you is paramount. My routine might not be best for everyone - you must pay attention to what makes you happy. What makes you feel calm? Find your daily sweet spot and take note of the habits that help you get there. And then be disciplined about following them every day.
Menopause can be unpredictable. Hot flashes, mood swings, sleep disturbances…these things often come out of nowhere. But I have found that sticking to a daily disciplined routine helps me manage these menopausal curveballs when they do come my way.
Yes, hormone replacement therapy and other treatments can help too, but I have found that discipline helps me build an emotional resilience, and is the backbone of my menopausal self care routine, which is why I recommend it to everyone.