Emotions go through many peaks and troughs during perimenopause, and even women that consider themselves well balanced and calm can experience sudden mood swings, that can go from unfounded rage to extreme sadness, during this hormonal stage.
But according to Donna Klassen, who is a licensed clinical social worker and co-founder of Let’s Talk Menopause, understanding why mood swings occur and learning simple and quick coping strategies can make them more manageable.
"In reality, managing these challenges often requires a combination of interventions - therapy, medications, and lifestyle adjustments. It’s about finding what works for you," she explains.
© fizkesWhy mood swings happen during perimenopause
"Mood swings during perimenopause are tied to the dramatic shifts in estrogen levels, especially in the late perimenopause phase - the year or two before your final period,” Donna explains.
Midlife stressors like raising children, caring for aging parents, and dealing with work challenges can make mood swings worse too, Donna explains. And then on top of that, existing perimenopausal symptoms like hot flashes can mimic panic attacks and disrupt sleep, which also makes your mood much less predictable.
According to Donna, the first step towards managing these perimenopausal mood swings is to reframe them in your mind.
"Identify and label your symptoms," Donna explains. "This reframing helps you see them as manageable. For instance, instead of asking, 'Why am I being so irritable?' you might say, 'This irritability is a symptom of perimenopause.'”
Donna adds that accepting your mood swings, rather than fighting them will divert your energy into doing something more positive for yourself. “Fighting symptoms often intensifies them,” she explains. “Focus on actionable strategies to feel better, such as practicing mindfulness - I recommend the Happier app, which explains mindfulness in a practical way.”
© Kristina Bumphrey6 easy ways to beat perimenopausal mood swings
1. Splash your face with water
Splashing cold water on your face or “paced breathing”, where you breathe out for longer than you breathe in are quick ways of stopping tantrums in their tracks according to Donna. Other techniques like moving from a hot room to somewhere cold, can also be effective during intense moments. “Everyone responds differently, so it’s about finding what works for you,” she notes.
2. Do the opposite of what you want to do
Doing things you don’t want to do helps to make you feel more positive and in control. "Feeling overwhelmed can make lifestyle changes feel daunting,” Donna explains. “A technique I recommend is 'opposite action'—doing the opposite of what you feel like doing in a moment of low energy, like going for a walk even if you don't want to." Donna insists this will help you feel accomplished and reinforce some brightness into your day.
3. Reset sleep with CBT
Sleep is always a priority for managing mood, and it's even more important during perimenopause. If you're having trouble getting to sleep, Donna suggests trying out tools like cognitive behavioral therapy that can help reset sleep patterns. "It involves techniques like setting a consistent sleep schedule, managing worries about sleep, and creating a relaxing bedtime routine."
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4. Lean on friends and family for support
Feeling connected to others can alleviate your mood swings and help you put things into perspective. "Talking with others can reduce feelings of isolation. Planned conversations can help if communication feels difficult, especially since these symptoms aren’t visible," Donna explains.
5. Don't be hard on yourself
Self-compassion plays a vital role during days your moods feel overwhelming. "Notice your self-talk and acknowledge when you’re being overly critical. Simply saying, 'I’m being really hard on myself right now,' can shift your perspective."
6. Embrace the power of ‘AND’
Donna notes that one way of controlling your mood swings is by embracing the concept of holding two truths simultaneously: "I use a technique called 'The Power of AND.' You can hold two truths at once: 'I feel overwhelmed right now, AND I had some good moments today.' It’s not about dismissing your feelings but recognizing that brighter moments exist even amidst challenges."
For anyone seeking additional support, Donna suggests checking out websites like Let’s Talk Menopause which offers tips on mental health, sleep, and coping strategies, and The North American Menopause Society for evidence-based information on hormone therapy and mental health.
