U2 perfectly described my feelings when they sang the iconic line, "You've got stuck in a moment, and you can't get out of it."
For years I have struggled with anxiety, imposter syndrome, burnout and a nagging sense I wasn't living up to my potential, primarily because of societal pressures thrust on 30-something women.
I have had countless knockbacks in the workplace throughout my 10-year freelance career. I have been told I'm "not the sharpest tool in the box," and to "stay in my lane" by previous employers. So, it's unsurprising that my younger 'go get 'em' attitude has dwindled over time.
It also doesn't help that society constantly questions my personal choices. "If your boyfriend hasn't proposed now, he never will", "No kids yet? You'll be a geriatric mum, if you haven't left it too late."
These jibes used to roll off my back, but lately they've chipped away at my coat of armour.
As I've entered my thirties, my insecurities have bubbled to the surface and are too loud to ignore.
After celebrating my 32nd birthday, I sought the help of Transformational Life Coach Lucia Santa Maria to silence the external noise, reclaim my confidence, overcome the weight of the 'what ifs' I stew over incessantly, and reignite the spark in my stagnant life.
Over the years, I've tried numerous forms of therapy, which left me feeling emotionally drained, pensive and in the same negative headspace – would a life coach be different?
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"I'll be your cheerleader," Lucia reassured me on our initial discovery call. The following week was my first ever life coach session to recalibrate my mindset and hone my focus on what truly matters – me and the trajectory of my life.
My experience with a life coach
Life Coach and NLP Practitioner Lucia offers a variety of sessions to suit everyone's needs and goals.
After my initial call, the expert recommended her Bespoke Breakthrough Session to identify the areas of my life that needed improvement, decipher my core values, and alter my mindset, for an effective reset, which was precisely what I needed.
© ShutterstockMy tailored session combined life coaching, hypnotherapy, meditation, breathwork, vision-crafting skills and strategic problem solving with Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), which explores the connection between language, thoughts and behaviours to understand my thought patterns and rewire them.
The life guru detailed: "My Transformational Life Coaching is uniquely powerful because it allows me to guide clients to overcome mental and emotional barriers, to reimagine, as well as redesign their lives with clarity and creativity. By working with the subconscious, we can re-route old patterns, the subconscious mind, and create new narratives that serve us better."
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The bespoke two-hour session started with the Life Wheel exercise, otherwise known as the Circle of Excellence. This visual exercise required me to divide my life into categories: career, romance, other relationships with friends and family, health (both mental and physical), personal growth, environment, money, as well as my hobbies.
Lucia then asked me to rate each area on a scale of 1 to 10 based on my first "gut reaction with as little analysis as possible."
© GettySeveral areas on my Life Wheel sat at 5/10, particularly in my career, personal growth, leisure life, health and environment, which Lucia said spoke volumes. She revealed how interconnected each category was in contributing to my 'funk', particularly the lower rated areas.
For example, my freelance career. It provides creativity and freedom, but it disrupts my health, relationships and hobbies because I prioritise making deadlines over quality time with my loved ones, self-care and leisure activities.
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Consequently, my actions are amplifying my anxiety, stress as well as guilt, and leave little room for balance, hence why I'm stuck in a cyclical rut year after year.
Lucia delved further. The mindset maven asked why I gave those average scores, and what it would take to reach higher ratings. But, reflecting on my mediocre marks stung, as I recognised my lack of personal growth over the years.
However, Lucia reassured me my average ratings don't mean an average life. In fact, Lucia insisted they are a "strong foundation" to improve on, and it means lifting my life to reach top marks is "wholly" achievable.
© GettyNew year, better me
The life coach then posed three questions: What would you like to experience this year? How would you like to grow? And how would you like to contribute?
To which I replied: "I don't want to feel anxious all the time", or "I don't want to be in this limbo."
Lucia encouraged me to reframe my negative thoughts into positive and proactive solutions; replace "I don't want to feel insecure" with "I will be confident".
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Projecting a positive, forward-thinking mindset, as opposed to reflecting inward will shift my mindset and help me break free from self-imposed limitations, asserted Lucia.
Identifying my core values
Throughout these exercises, Lucia noted my core values, which are crucial for anyone to live by to thrive, though these are unique to every individual. These core values act as a checklist when making any decision, no matter how big or small.
My core values centre around emotions, as they include stability, love, joy, kindness, creativity, balance, confidence, and relaxation, among others.
Aligning my decisions with "65 to 70%" of my 25 core values, whether it is a career opportunity or social event, will help me make better decisions, reclaim control over my life, stop compromising on what matters most, and feel more fulfilled. "Otherwise, you're compromising who you are," Lucia explained.
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Unpicking my core values, Lucia noted: "Your core values sit in your emotions, which means you are driven by emotions. Your ability to feel so deeply shows how alive you are. Your emotions are your superpower - they just need direction. Your wish is to have a life that is well balanced, where you can be creative, inspired, feel a sense of stability and support, love, connection and joy. But fear is the undercurrent hampering your actions, and the cause of anxiety. Fear creates roadblocks to personal growth. It can feel comfortable sitting in the shadow than to be brave and change, but it is also paralysing to be in a state of fear and anxiety."
Lucia put the theory into practice. My career and personal growth scored low on the Life Wheel. While freelancing offers joy and creativity, it doesn't provide stability or much reassurance, and it is not relaxing when juggling numerous tight deadlines simultaneously.
However, Lucia suggested a stable career could help me achieve the balance I crave and will filter into other sections of my life by allowing space to carve out a routine to improve my health, relationships, and encourage overall growth.
The life coach advised: "Look for a lifestyle that feeds emotional requirements and values, so if you are not following the majority of those core values you will feel unfulfilled, be unhappy and caught in the spiral. When you work on one specific area, it will inevitably impact all of them."
The results
2024 tested me in various ways. Instead of feeling stable, confident and self-assured, like society claims the thirties brings, at 32, I felt I had lost my spark and was stuck in a fog of anxiety and overwhelm. But Lucia's session was transformative, as it has given me a renewed sense of self.
The Transformative Life Coach challenged me to reflect on my past, envision my future, and bring those goals into the present. Lucia made me realise I was hindering my own capabilities. Her session equipped me with the tools to reframe my thoughts for the better, and create a long-lasting change. She has helped me change my mindset, from looking inwards and honing in on what I want to avoid, to focusing on the positives I want to achieve: confidence, joy, stability and balance.
© GettyThis positive lens Lucia views life through was another impactful takeaway I vow to live by. While I am a work in progress, I am progressing with clarity and optimism.
Prior to my Bespoke Breakthrough Life Coach session, I had rejected appearing on two podcasts because imposter syndrome hit me hard. After speaking with Lucia, I turned down two separate job opportunities, but for the right reasons.
Taking Lucia’s advice, I weighed up the opportunities against my core values, and they didn’t align. Previously, I would have agonised over the decision, and worried about missed opportunities, but, this time, I felt empowered. I know my worth and trust my values to guide me. For the first time in years, I wasn’t willing to settle, and I didn’t ruminate on my decision, which was refreshing.
While every case, circumstance and desired outcome are different, I recommend a life coach session with Lucia to anyone feeling lost in themselves, no matter their life stage, or age. I have realised I have the power to rewrite the narrative of my life, and I am ready for a bright and exciting New Year. So, 2025 what have you got in store for me?
