Hollyoaks actress Kirsty-Leigh Porter has opened up about her grief as she paid tribute to her baby daughter who was delivered stillborn in January. The actress, who plays Leela Lomax in the teen soap, shared a touching picture of a mother holding a child with angel wings alongside a caption addressed to her little girl, named Penny-Leigh. She wrote on Instagram: "I am posting this for Penny-Leigh, I am posting this for every single woman and man who have messaged me with their stories of their sleeping angels, (I have read every single one and still messaging back)."
"I am posting this for anyone who needs to see it, I am posting this with strength that our babies will not be forgotten," she added. "I am posting this with the strength of every single person who has messaged me who understands what it's like, in the hope that you understand you are not alone. And I am here for you. I wrote this when I had just lost my baby girl Penny-Leigh." The star continued: "My heart physically aches, it is in a million pieces and whilst they try to find their way back together it’s no use as my heart will never be whole again, because when you left, a big piece of it left with you and will always be with you wherever you are."
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Kirsty-Leigh, 30, and her partner of three years, Paul, announced that their daughter was "born sleeping" at 29 weeks just before Christmas. "Nothing makes sense anymore because I can't hold you in my arms," she shared. "I don't get to see your first smile, your first wriggle, I don't get to dress you, change your nappy, feed you, bath you, kiss you goodnight and hug you in the morning, watch you take your first steps, watch you grow. But I will always be your mummy.
"I will always do you proud. As unbelievable grief consumes me and this dark cloud sticks above me, I still have your light to guide me. The brightest star in the sky. Oh my darling Penny-Leigh, my beautiful little girl. You came into our life like a whirlwind and now all of sudden it's gone. Quiet and still, completely numb. All our plans, our future, snatched away in a moment that we can never go back too and change.
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"My mind can’t comprehend how I have given birth yet my baby is not here with me. How is that ok? How is that ever going to be ok? People say 'she was too good for this earth' but that would mean there was a reason you are not still here with your mummy and daddy, and I don’t think there is any reason for it. How can being anywhere but in our arms better for you?" The actress then concluded: "With the overwhelming grief comes GUILT. If I’m not a heap on the bathroom floor hiding myself away crying, I am wondering aimlessly around the room with GUILT #stillborn #angelbaby."
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