For many of us, maternity leave is around one year. Then after those precious months, we're expected to return to work with our ducks in a row.
But in truth, one year into motherhood, your baby is growing into a toddler; someone who could set the house on fire when you're not looking, normally has sleep regression, and has found their voice and constantly shouts the word “MAMA”!
We put pressure on ourselves to fit the timeline of a return to work, but when it comes to children, you have no control over your time.
Pre-child, I was reliably in the office on time and there for the full day of work. Now, with a child, I have lost count of the times my son has been sick and I’ve had to pick him up from nursery. The knock-on effect is huge.
I have come to realise that any woman who is going back into the workplace is truly at the mercy of the support systems you have in place because, quite simply, nobody can do it on their own.
I separated from my son’s father when he was 10 months and it was one of the most painful and challenging times of my life.
My life wasn’t meant to look like this, and I didn’t know what my identity was or who I was. Looking back, I was struggling with postnatal depression and feeling lost in life. I had spent most of my childhood and adult life dreaming of having my own family, imagining all these romantic and serene situations, and my God, it did not end up looking like that.
We're expected to work at the same level as pre-child, which is almost impossible. I question why we almost feel so ashamed to say this.
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Going back to work
I am by no means a guru on the topic of returning to work post-maternity leave, but if you are considering going back to work, I would ask myself, what does your career mean to you?
© GettyIs it something you can make work around your new life with your children? Does it have to look like it did before?
Going back into a role where you cannot give the same time, effort or headspace as before might mean you need to hold back and attempt to enjoy these early years with your child, working part-time, or changing your hours to suit your new lifestyle.
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You are not the person you were pre-child. Sometimes it’s best to give yourself the space and grace to focus on what’s in front of you rather than follow society’s impression of what a career should look like.
I would give a standing ovation to any woman going back to work. Well done, and remember, you need to go easy on yourself and accept that you won’t have the same time and capacity you did before, or even the same brain space. And that doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you human!
Understand you will only be able to maintain the same level of growth and commitment depending on your support system. Make sure you have the right support system in place and be gentle with yourself.
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Please, please can we women start being kind to ourselves and let go of this image that success only exists in tandem with high-flying careers? Some days simply putting one foot in front of the other and getting out of the house before 8 am is a success.
Be kind to yourself, no one can do it all. You have got this mama! And if I am honest, I felt robbed of so many moments in the rush to “get back to normal” in the 365-day maternity leave.
Listen to Brogan's podcast, Getting There.
