Tana Ramsay has given a powerful and insightful interview on the Postcards from Midlife podcast, sharing her experience of baby loss and dealing with feelings of "guilt".
Gordon Ramsay's wife experienced a miscarriage five months into her pregnancy in 2016 and has now revealed the family will "never get over" losing their baby boy Rocky. The couple are parents to children Megan, 26, twins Holly and Jack, 24, and Tilly, 22, and welcomed Oscar, five, and baby Jesse, eight months, in the years after the tragedy.
© GettyIn one of the most heartbreaking moments from her interview with podcast hosts Lorraine Candy and Trish Halpin, Tana revealed how hard it is to deal with her young son Oscar's questions about his brother.
"Even Oscar now, he talks about Rocky, his brother in the sky or his star. And he'll come out with things like, 'I really don't like him being there. Why can't he just come here?'," she said.
Tana went on to say that her grief comes in waves – one day she'll be strong enough to handle it, but the next a small trigger will leave her emotional.
© InstagramShe explained: "I still suffer so much guilt. Did I, should I have known something? Should I have done something differently?'
"It's one of those things that some days you're absolutely fine and you can kind of justify it.
"Other days, for some reason, whether it's because you're overtired or something triggers you, I can have a day where I just feel really emotional.
© Instagram"You don't expect to be holding a baby knowing that they're not going last more than an hour. That is always going to be something I can never, never get over."
The star also discussed how difficult it was navigating the excitement about Oscar's arrival while dealing with feelings of guilt.
Tana said: "One of the hardest times actually was after I had Oscar, and he must have been about three weeks old. And I had a day where I felt so emotional. I think it was the guilt that I didn't think that I felt enough about Rocky because I've been excited with a new baby.
© Instagram"And that threw me, and I remember Gordon saying to me, it was always going to hit you like this now, because we've been so in this bubble.
"And then suddenly you think, I felt unfair that I hadn't sort of been thinking enough or sad. You can never know what's around the corner with grief, and we've never had anything like that."
Tana and Gordon's family life
© InstagramThe Ramsays are devoted parents to their big brood, brought even closer together by the loss of baby Rocky.
Speaking at the time, Gordon confessed the tragedy had made their "family unit even tighter". "We were devastated, but thankfully we're through the worst now. It could happen at any time to anyone. It has brought us all so much closer," he shared.
The couple were over the moon when they welcomed little Oscar in 2019 and are absolutely besotted by the cheeky chappie – who bears a striking resemblance to his famous father.
© InstagramBig sisters Tilly, Holly and Megan run an Instagram account dedicated to the little boy and their devotion to their brother is evident.
It therefore came as a surprise when Gordon and Tana welcomed baby Jesse James into the world last November. The Ramsays kept Tana's seventh pregnancy a secret up until the delivery.
Sharing a sweet snapshot of Hell's Kitchen star Gordon kissing the youngest member of his family as she recovered after labour, Tana wrote on her social media account: "It's been a nerve-wracking nine months but we've made it and we have been blessed with this little bundle. Ramsay family definitely complete. Jesse James Ramsay we love you so much."
© InstagramMeanwhile, Gordon's announcement came alongside the news that their family is finally complete. He shared: "What an amazing birthday present please welcome Jesse James Ramsay, 7lbs 10oz whopper!! One more bundle of love to the Ramsay brigade!! 3 boys, 3 girls… Done."
RELATED: How to talk to someone who has experienced baby loss
For support and information relating to miscarriage, call 01924 200799 or visit miscarriageassociation.org.uk
