Ryan Reynolds may be renowned for his signature snark and quick wit, but behind the movie persona, the star grew up dealing with some tough times.
The Canadian-American actor and entrepreneur, 47, lost his father James Reynolds in 2015 at the age of 74 after nearly two decades of battling with Parkinson's disease.
In a new conversation with People, Ryan opened up more so than before about the complicated relationship he had with his late dad after he was diagnosed with the degenerative illness and learning to parse through those feelings in adulthood.
"He said the word 'Parkinson's' maybe three times as far as I knew — and one of them wasn't to me. There was a ton of denial, a ton of hiding," he shared. James was diagnosed with the disease when Ryan was just 22. He has since been a member of the board for the Michael J. Fox Foundation, actively aiding in Parkinson's research and advocacy.
At the time, their relationship grew difficult, and Ryan continued: "It really destabilized my relationship with him because I didn't really know what was happening," and realized later that it was due to the hallucinations and delusions his father experienced years into the diagnosis.
© Getty ImagesWhile confessing that his dad was more closed off when it came to sharing his emotions, he spoke about learning to sift through those feelings for himself after his dad passed away and understanding their relationship on a deeper level.
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"I'm constantly putting pieces of the story together," the Deadpool & Wolverine star said. "I wasn't really accepting my own responsibility. It was very easy for me to dine off the idea that my father and I do not see eye to eye on anything and that an actual relationship with him is impossible."
© Getty Images"And as I'm older now, I look back at it, and I think of it more as that was my unwillingness at the time to meet him where he was. I could have maybe been there with him toward the end, and I wasn't. He and I just drifted apart, and that's something I'll live with forever."
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He spoke fondly about sending his father a letter with all the amazing things he'd done for him as a child five months before his passing, and while he lamented not being there when he died, it changed the way he parented his four kids with wife Blake Lively (the oldest is named James after his father).
© Getty Images"The healing for me really comes more through my relationship with my own kids, while taking some of the things from my father that are of immense value," Ryan added.
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"[Now] I get to fill in those little gaps that maybe hurt me. I get to show up. When my kid is acting out or telling me I'm the worst — my dad would retreat into the power of silence, and that is not the way to acknowledge your kid."
"So to be able to get down on their level and just tell them that I believe them and that I'm here for them . . . I'm like, 'Oh, okay. I just weirdly didn't mean to, but I fixed something with my own dad.'"
