My dad used to call me 'Kevin' when I was younger, based on the then-popular comedy Harry Enfield TV show about a teenage character by the same name.
Kevin was stupid, surly and said, 'urghh' a lot. As you'd imagine, I remember really hating this nickname.
Very quickly into my teens, due to the above and sadly reasons for a lot more serious than this, I knew I wouldn't be taking on any of my father's parenting techniques and that when the time came, I'd take a different approach.
I'm now a solid four months into things with my teenage daughter Darcy, I'm trying a few different things, and unconventional opinion... teenagers are actually great!
Parenting teenagers
Disclaimer so that you don't all hate me; there are bad days and I've definitely found new limits to how frustrated I ever thought I could be. But, for the majority of the time I am loving this stage of motherhood. Nobody is more surprised than I am, because when I tell you I was scared, I was petrified!
You hear about slamming doors and secret piercings, raging rows and stinky bedrooms and think the worst, but let this month's column be a little glimmer of hope for any of you in the same boat or facing this in the future.
To give you an idea of what I mean by 'great', I feel as though Darcy and I have hit a nice little rhythm and understanding with each other, so spending time together has been really positive.
Over the summer holidays (did you read my column last month about having a '90's Summer'? It's been brilliant!) she's come to work with me a few times at BBC Radio and enjoyed seeing how a show is produced behind the scenes.
We've started watching Gilmore Girls from series one in the evenings whilst sharing a baked camembert and crackers platter, we have even been to the spa and had some treatments! Truly, this is the kind of thing I always dreamed of and I plan to do everything I can to keep this going.
LOUISE'S COLUMN: Why putting my kids first yet still making time for me is the ultimate juggle
Harmony over hormones
So how am I achieving harmony over hormones? Let me tell you.
1. Look back
I've spent a lot of time thinking hard about what my own teenage years were like. How did I feel? What was important to me? What excited me? How did other people make me feel? This helps you put yourself in their shoes and see things through their lens. Once you do that, you can connect so much better and adjust your parenting to this new era you're in.
2. What makes them tick?
Find out what they're passionate about. It might be something new or it could still be what they loved in childhood but it's worth taking the time to ask and observe.
Darcy used to be wild about ballet. We did competitions, workshops, summer schools, the lot. In her teen years, she's less into it and now loves musical theatre, so I lean into that more. There's nothing nicer than someone showing an interest in what matters to you, I think it's really appreciated and shows how much you care. It builds respect both ways.
3. Let go!
This one takes some figuring out, but now is the time to loosen your grip. What freedoms do you feel comfortable giving? What changes can you make that give them a bit more independence? This obviously differs for every family but I think giving Darcy more control over her day/life/choices has really empowered her positively.
4. Listen, listen, listen
This is the hardest one by far. As with any age child, listening is key. The thing about teenagers is that it seems their ideal time to talk is… Bedtime. By 9.30pm, I'm generally a husk of a woman, winding down my brain for the day and helloooo, let's discuss everything on her mind.
For a few weeks, I'd put a stop to this. "Let's talk about this in the morning," or, "I'm so tired, can we chat over this tomorrow after school?". Thing is, we never did and her thoughts would just stay inside her or be lost in the day.
I read somewhere that you have to listen WHENEVER they need it. Think of it like getting up to feed your newborn whenever they cry. The more I've listened, the more she's shared and the closer we've become. Worth the late nights.
5. Walk. Away!!
Along with spa trips and late night heart-to-heart, there will be rough seas. Walk away. Don't get embroiled in an angry back and forth, it's on you to show regulated emotions. Once you lose control, you lose respect. When things get heated, back away, calm down, consider what your point really is and deliver it calmly, if needed at all. You've got this, Mama.
Bonus tip – if they're grouchy, hormonal messes, offer food and insist on fresh air. They'll thank you later. Well, they most likely won't, but you'll thank yourself when their mood improves.
I'm only four months in and I'm no expert, but this is what's working so far. There's every chance I'll be eating my words in four years, so please don't take this as anything other than one mum giving it a go and sharing in case it's useful.
Now, last month I promised this would be a wedding month here in my column but as ever, mum life took over and the dress appointment shifted into September when both my daughters are back at school.
RELATED: Living with a houseful of teenagers brought me unexpected joy
I *promise* that next month I'll have a bridal update for you! Perhaps more than one actually…
Until then, enjoy the last of the summer days and I’ll see you back here again in cosy season!
