The end of the year coming up has Joanna Gaines in a reflective mood.
For her Magnolia Journal's latest installation, the last before the year ends, the former HGTV star opened up about how this season is bringing about change for her and her kids.
She and her husband Chip Gaines, to whom she has been married since 2003, are parents to Drake, 19, the first of the kids to head to college, Ella Rose, who just turned 18, Duke, who also recently celebrated his 16th birthday, Emmie Kay, 14, and Crew, six.
Writing for Magnolia Journal, Joanna shared how a picture of her son Crew looking at his reflection in the water while out on a boat ride sparked a moment of deep reflection in her.
She first wrote: "For a parent, this season introduces a million tensions at once. You know there's so much ahead for your kids, so much growth, so much knowledge," though noted: "But at the same time, you see them already brimming with everything you could ever want for them: courage, joy, belief. In this season, it feels impossible to imagine they'll ever outgrow who they are right now."
"Unlikely, you tell yourself, that they'll ever become anything other than wholeheartedly them," she continued, further writing: "But the impossible can become possible."
© Courtesy of The Paley Center For MediaShe then shared: "As a mother of five, I've watched how the weight of things can shift for my kids as they get older. How it shifted for me, too. I think this happens to all of us, actually. For some, it happens slowly. For others, it feels like overnight."
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"Either way, over time, the profile of the person staring back at you gets complicated. Mostly because we start to let in other people's views, too — their expectations, their assumptions. We start to see ourselves plus who we think other people see; or worse, who we think other people want to see."
© Getty ImagesFurther reflecting on the role public perception plays, she went on: "Or, we simply start to notice that other people are watching, and the idea that eyes are on us can change everything. Courage becomes harder to find. We learn that curiosity can lead to failure. That optimism isn't always free from disappointment," admitting: "And in moments when I've lost sight of myself, that's when I'll feel shadows closing in."
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© Instagram"Those shadows we all grow into. It's the place our mind goes where insecurities and shame and fear of failing hold court. It's the place where we'll withdraw or shrink up and steal away. Where we might think we've reached safety — but never for long. And never for the better," she noted.
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© Instagram"As a parent, as a spouse, as a friend, but also as an individual, I'm learning that I need to be equally aware of the shadow I carry and the one I cast. When it comes to the person my kids are slowly unveiling, I don't want the life I've chosen and the choices I've made — good or bad — to pigeonhole how they lead their own. I want to be close but never overshadow."
She lastly reflected: "In a world that can make it easy to lose sight of yourself, I want my kids, especially, to know how to find their way back. And when they look at the person staring back at them, I want them to know how to see — really see — themselves exactly as they were made to be."
