The annual day of telling your followers how cool you are has come far too early for my liking this year. Music fans and enthusiasts have exposed themselves on their Instagram stories for yet another year of Spotify Wrapped rankings and I for one am embarrassed.
Every year when I see my feed filled with screenshots of people's most played songs and artists, a literal shiver goes down my spine. Seen as an unspoken status symbol, you best believe that your followers are judging your music choices and are instantly categorising you in their brain under the labels cool, alt-y or lame.
I for one hate this time of year because I know that my own Spotify Wrapped is a crime worthy of jail time. As someone who wants to give off the persona of a ‘cool fashion girly,’ you can imagine the level of disappointment I felt when I found out that my top artist was Norah Jones.
Yes, you read that right... Norah Jones.
© SpotifyAt first, I thought this had to be a mistake. Believe you me, It was no mistake. I checked… twice.
Instead of being the ‘cool fashion girly’ who listens to Girl In Red and Phoebe Bridgers, I have the music taste of a 50+ housewife who has nothing to do but clean silverware in a really expensive silk dressing gown.
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A hard pill to swallow (which is why I did not post it on my IG story) I couldn't help but think about what others Spotify Wrapped results said about them. So, in my (very) musically unprofessional opinion (please remember who my top artist was here people) I give you my interpretation of what your Spotify Wrapped says about you.
Taylor Swift
© InstagramIf your number one was Taylor Swift, then the likelihood of everyone already knowing that your number one was Taylor Swift is higher than high. You’re the kind of person who set an alarm to buy Era’s Tour tickets and either cried when you missed out or cried when you got them.
Lana Del Ray
© InstagramJust like Lana, you're cool. But like mysteriously cool who romanticises every inch of your existence. You’re who I aspire to be like.
Fred Again
© InstagramYou’re likely from East London and hang out with people who also like Fred Again. You’re the kind of person who goes to gigs and doesn't complain about having sore feet and wanting to go home. You and I are very different people.
BoyGenius
© InstagramIf you listen to Boygenius you either are only a fan because you like Phoebe Bridgers, or you’re actually that cool and like their music. I bet you also wear Dr. Martens.
Fleetwood Mac
© InstagramYou’re a fan of cult classics and Stevie Nicks, or you’re Natalie Salmon, who had them as her top played artist in 2023.
Florence And The Machine
© InstagramIf you’re a true fan then unlike me, you probably know who the ‘Machine’ part of Florence And The Machine is. Or, maybe you’re just a fan of Florence Welch who is the closest thing we have on earth to a literal angel, and that's a good enough reason to listen to anyone.
Dua Lipa
© InstagramYou’re the kind of person who loves to dance and probably spends more time out with friends on the weekend than at home sleeping from the hours of 10pm till 8am. You’re the life of the party and likely dress to impress just like Dua any opportunity you get.
