Tulisa Contostavlos, N-Dubz singer and former X-Factor judge, recently made a revelation that a lot of women could relate to. During her stint on ITV2's I'm a Celebrity, she opened up about her love life and dislike for dating apps, "I’m proper guarded," she admitted. "I feel like I’m demisexual, I need to have a really close emotional bond with someone... I need actual depth. I’m a slow, slow burner. I’ve been celibate for over three years.”
Since Tulisa opened up about about being demisexual, there has been a lot of curiosity. According to Google Trends, 'What is demisexual' is the top trending question in the UK this week and 'Demisexuality' is being searched more than ever this month.
But what does it mean to be demisexual? H! Fashion spoke to Kate Daly, relationship expert and co-founder of online divorce services company, Amicable, to understand what it means and if being demisexual can affect how you get into relationships.
© ITV/ShutterstockWhat does it mean to be demisexual?
"Demisexuality is a sexual orientation on the asexual spectrum," Kate defines. "People who identify as demisexual typically do not experience sexual attraction unless they form a deep emotional connection with someone. This connection varies between individuals and can take time to develop. She adds, "It’s not about a lack of desire or capability for intimacy - rather, attraction is emotionally driven rather than immediate or physical."
How does being demisexual affect getting into a relationship?
The relationship expert explains that for demisexual people, the traditional dating landscape can feel challenging. Kate tells H! Fashion: "Hookup culture or apps focused on quick matches might not resonate because forming an emotional bond takes precedence over immediate physical attraction. Many demisexual people prioritise open communication early in a relationship to explain their orientation and set expectations." She concludes that the process of finding a partner often emphasises mutual understanding, patience, and shared values.
© GettyHow does being demisexual change your perception of dating?
"Dating for demisexual people is often more about building trust and emotional intimacy rather than seeking instant chemistry," Kate says. "The focus shifts from physical attraction to deeper conversations, shared experiences, and meaningful interactions. This perspective can make dating more intentional, fostering connections that might be overlooked in more appearance-driven dating approaches."
How does (if at all) demisexuality change over the course of a relationship?
According to the relationship expert, demisexuality itself doesn’t change, but the way it manifests can evolve as the relationship deepens. "Once an emotional bond is established, a demisexual person may experience sexual attraction more consistently within the context of that connection. However, the emphasis on emotional closeness remains central throughout the relationship, often creating a foundation for a deeply fulfilling partnership."
