Happiness often seems elusive - a fleeting feeling that slips through our fingers when we chase it too hard.
Ironically, when we actively pursue happiness, that's when it feels most out of reach. The truth is, authentic happiness isn't about constantly being in a state of bliss.
It comes from cultivating resilience—the ability to accept and work through all emotions, ride out life's inevitable challenges, and ultimately become more robust.
How to become resilient
1. Accept sadness and fear
The first step to resilience is making peace with discomfort. We're conditioned to avoid or deny difficult emotions such as sadness, fear and anxiety.
However, repressing feelings doesn't make them go away – it only allows them to resurface later with more force. Instead of pushing negativity away, practice allowing yourself to feel all emotions without judgment.
When you notice anxiety or sadness arising, lean into these sensations fully instead of distracting yourself. This radical acceptance builds emotional courage and prevents feelings from festering.
2. Let go of emotional control strategies
Many of us rely on unhealthy coping mechanisms to avoid uncomfortable emotions, such as overworking, numbing with substances/behaviours, or forcing toxic positivity.
While understandable attempts to regain control, these strategies ultimately reject our authentic human experience and are exhausting to maintain in the long term. True resilience means letting go of constantly managing your emotional state. Create space to be present with your feelings as they come.
3. Show yourself compassion
Our society often dismisses difficult emotions such as anger, sadness and fear as negative or unacceptable. However, resilience involves befriending the full spectrum of your feelings – even the ones that make you uncomfortable.
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Have the courage to treat sensations such as grief, rage and anxiety with compassion instead of judgment. By fully feeling and processing these challenging experiences, you paradoxically create more space for lasting joy.
4. Embrace life's cycles
When we try to select only 'positive' emotions and numb out the rest, we risk becoming numb to the richness of life itself.
Resilience means embracing life's natural cycles of joy and sorrow, gain and loss, pain and healing. As you ride these waves, you cultivate deeper emotional intelligence, self-awareness, gratitude and appreciation for the entire journey.
5. Build your inner strength
Resilience isn't about stoically enduring life's hardships — it's about developing skills to thrive amidst adversity. You build an unwavering wellspring of inner strength and determination when you practice adapting to change and navigating ups and downs with self-compassion. This unshakable core grants you the confidence to overcome any obstacle life brings.
Why resilience is essential for happiness
Resilience is the key that unlocks lasting contentment. It frees you from relying on perpetually 'positive' circumstances or emotions as your sole source of fulfilment.
With resilience, you develop a more grounded, sustainable wellspring of peace that enhances your life experience. The path isn't always easy, but resilience provides wisdom to move through life's highs and lows with authenticity, self-acceptance and an appreciation for the full depth of the human journey.
Sally Baker is a senior therapist specialising in relationships and trauma. She is the author of The Getting of Resilience From The Inside Out, published by Hammersmith Books.