woman in a white top posing in front of a pool

I'm more confident than ever at 52 after getting my independence back

After dedicating her life to her children, Adiba Barlow, is branching out at 52 – and feeling more confident than ever

By: Adiba Barlow

August 9, 2024Aug 9, 2024, 2:28 PM GMT+1

I never thought that at the age of 50, I would be travelling the world alone.

I always believed that my fifties would be when things began to slow down, with little to look forward to, but in reality, this is the decade where I've finally started to live, explore and find my independence.

After years of looking after others, it's finally time to look after my mind, body and soul. From trying new classes to travelling alone, hitting my fifties has boosted my confidence and I feel happier than ever.

woman taking a selfie in a rust coloured halterneck top — Adiba is gaining confidence travelling alone

In my fifties

After a life dedicated to raising my four children, I am getting to know myself again at 52, and it's the start of my second life.

Here's my advice for making the most of this exciting decade

1. Take small steps if you need to

Being a mother of four, there was always someone else to take care of and I didn't make time for myself. It took time for me to realise I am worthy of spending time on, and it was a process to stop myself from feeling guilty for doing so.

I took small steps such as taking longer showers and signing up to the gym for classes and sauna sessions, to ease myself into carving out time for me. I started going on long solo walks, which built my confidence to try things alone.

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2. Spend time with your friends

Being in your 50s is like being a teenager again, with a focus on having fun with friends. I have a small circle of best friends and we now have time for each other again.

My cousins, who I grew up with in one building but are now scattered around the world, are also my best friends. We try to see each other once a year all under the same roof to relive our youth.

When you are young you can take friendships for granted, but companionship is key in your older age. It doesn't cost anything to stay in touch and it's important to hold on to people who love you before they are gone, something you sadly see a lot of as you get older.

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3. Travelling for confidence

After travel being all about family trips, I began branching out by joining my daughters on their business trips, which gave me the confidence to travel independently on long drives, as well as staying closed to home and exploring neighbouring towns.

Three women in summer clothes posing in front of a pool — Adiba with her daughters

Recently, I joined my daughter on a trip to the Liberty Signa Hotel in Turkey.

While we were there, I worked on my independence. I took small steps which were important for building my confidence, from sitting alone on the plane to swimming in the pool by myself.

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The resort was all-inclusive so I didn't have to think about making dinners each time, leaving my mind free to wander and opening me up to new things for a change.

We tried aerial yoga for the first time, and while I wanted to quit halfway through, I was glad I didn't. In the evenings we watched live entertainment until way past my bedtime and the short trip gave me the confidence to realise I could go away alone and try new things out of my comfort zone, which was something I never imagined I would do as a stay-at-home mother.

4. You're never too old to learn

One thing I admire about my kids is that they are always busy learning - a skill we take for granted. Inspired by them, if I don't know something, I use Google or YouTube to teach myself. I've also taken the plunge and booked myself into courses - from learning how to do eyelash lifts to phlebotomy.

Even if these aren't my professions, the skills come in handy and it gives you another way to boost your knowledge.

5. Independence is an attitude

I realised that young children are independent until we put limitations on them and it made me wonder why I let someone put these limitations on me.

In my fifties, I have learnt that if you want to be independent and taken seriously, your attitude has to align, something I am still working on as I progress in my new decade.

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