Love Is Blind UK has recently landed on Netflix and whilst the show is all about a romantic connection, there's one thing you don't want to be blind to when you're in love and that's money. Sharing your bed with someone for the long term is no small step, so it's only wise that you both lay bare the ins and outs of your financial lives as well.
Given its significance, why is it that money is such a thorny subject in relationships? Well, having a frank conversation about finances doesn't;t fit the romanticised idea of a relationship that we so often see on our TV screens. Plus talking about money isn't just practical - it's emotionally charged - so it can be tempting to dodge any awkward or uncomfortable issues.
© GettyBut starting to communicate about money sooner rather than later can hugely benefit your relationship. "Having conversations about money as early as possible in a relationship - not necessarily how much you earn, but gauging the way people feel about financial decisions - is key, as the more we don’t talk about money, the more high stakes these conversations become and the more anxiety they can cause," explains relationship expert Jessica Stephenson Clarke.
A whole host of issues can crop up when it comes to money in a relationship, so here are some of the common sticking points that couples face with money.
One spender, one saver
First things first, don't expect your partner to have exactly the same approach to money as you do. Unless you had identical experiences growing up, you’re unlikely to see eye to eye on all things money but that’s not an issue, as long as you both take the time to understand each other's perspectives and buy into the joint life you're building together.
Don't forget that you're not working against each other, you’re going in the same direction. You both need to be willing to compromise when it comes to tackling joint financial issues together, whether that's saving for a holiday or deciding how much to spend on a bathroom renovation.
© GettySteering the ship
When it comes to money management, it's common for one partner to primarily take control of the financial administration and deal with the numbers on a day to day basis. It's always an option to split the job, but designating one partner to manage money isn't a problem either; the key is to ensure that you make big financial decisions collectively and are aligned on your joint financial plans for the future.
Watch the gap
It's not unexpected for couples to earn different amounts, especially throughout the course of a long-term relationship. Even for those who start off earning a similar amount, life events that occur can change the trajectory significantly and the way that you manage any salary difference can make or break a relationship.
There are various different approaches, but the most equitable way to split joint expenses if you prefer not to have a fully joint approach will typically be to split costs proportionally. Although splitting costs down the middle sounds fair, it can be a major disadvantage to the lower earner financially. Instead, taking into account how much each person earns as a percentage of your combined income tends to produce a much fairer result.
© GettyBeware financial infidelity
Being financially unfaithful can lead to huge problems in a relationship, and still it's far more common than you might realise. There's a difference between hiding money and keeping money as your own: particularly for women, it can be a good idea to keep a bank account individually and ring-fence savings. But if you’re hiding sums of money or debt from your partner, this can amount to financial infidelity and owning up may well be the only way to re-establish trust between the two of you.
For anyone looking to give their financial communication a boost, Jessica recommends a monthly team meeting to keep on top of your communication about money. "Put a monthly money team meeting in the diary to talk about your financial goals - both individually and collectively - and bring talking about money into your daily life so you can encourage each other and support each other, as well as being able to air any issues to avoid them growing into resentment".
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And if your partner isn't willing to have these conversations? It's worth taking a step back to understand if there's a wider issue at play. Working on your finances as a couple is a team pursuit; you need to both go all in to see the rewards.
Ellie Austin-Williams is the author of Money Talks, a Lifestyle Guide for financial wellbeing. Find her on Instagram at @thisgirltalksmoney.
