With 2023 just about over, I wanted to look back on one of my most memorable work days of the year: Tuesday, October 10. I'd been stressed. The previous night, after hours in traffic, it took me two more to find a parking space at home in Brooklyn. I'd been sleeping badly. I'd skipped a workout. I felt weird (read: old) about my upcoming birthday. I had (still do) an unhealthy relationship with my phone and an even worse one with social media.
So perhaps it was was the perfect one to acknowledge and contemplate World Mental Health Day — and to cover the Archewell Foundation's Parents' Summit: Mental Wellness in a Digital Age, held in a cozy room at The Shed in Hudson Yards. The day's very special guests? The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, aka Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.
My first quasi-audience with this pair, part of Project Healthy Minds' World Mental Health Day Festival, wasn't a massive event — less than 200 attendees in total, and less than a dozen journalists. Compare this intimate setup to my experience covering King Charles' coronation in London back in May: Whitehall was so crowded and locked-down by 7am that I was completely unable to get to my designated watching spot. (I've discussed this royal trauma with my therapist and anyone else who'll listen.)
The 90-minute event was glamorous, of course, what with two of the world's most talked-about expat royals on hand, and Today's Carson Daly and U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, too. But the event was also very intense, emotional, and raw in a way I wasn't expecting.
Before the Duke and Duchess took the stage, two panels, moderated by the foundation's Co-Executive Directors Shauna Nep and James Holt, gave the floor to parents who've tragically lost their children to suicide thanks in part to the toxic effects of technology and social media.
Grieving mom and dad Toney and Brandy Roberts wept as they remembered their daughter Englyn, and read aloud a private note she wrote on her phone weeks before taking her own life. Dave and Jennie DeSerio were likewise tearful as they paid tribute to their son Nathan, an "all-American kid," a football player who radiated "this caring, loving energy," according to his father.
It was hard hearing these parents, who were close and seemingly in sync with their sweet, talented, loving kids, with very little inkling of any secret mental health struggles — the way mobile phones and social media apps exacerbate problems and isolate them. And it was profoundly inspiring to hear how the Duke and Duchess' Archewell Foundation helped these grieving families feel less alone, introducing them to one another, and fostering a community of parents with heartbreaking shared histories.
After these sober, visceral panels, wiping a few tears away, it was no less thrilling to see Harry and Meghan begin their own talk with Carson Daly and Vivek Murthy.
I mean, Harry and Meghan! Everyone's got an opinion on them! Millions have read Spare, seen the Netflix series, and more. Taking their seats to a hushed silence, the Duke and Duchess looked striking and serene in real life. (For the record: the Suits alum wore a two-piece cream-colored Altazurra ensemble, camel pumps from Aquazarra, and gold bespoke earrings by Sarah Hendler. Harry, meanwhile, looked sharp in black suit with a light-blue shirt and tie.) Once settled, they immediately focused on what we'd all heard from the previous panelists.
“I can’t start without thanking all the parents, the mothers and fathers that have been here today," Prince Harry told Carson Daly, "but also being on this journey for the last year, creating this community of shared experience.”
Relating to Carson how this project began, Harry said, "Once we started to realize how many families, how many parents in the US and around the world had suffered the greatest loss, we quickly realized there was no one in this space bringing them together…For us, the priority is to turn pain into purpose and to provide support as well as a platform and spotlight for these parents to come together...to heal together, to grieve together, but also to collectively focus on a solution. So that no other family anywhere has to go through what they've been through. It just doesn't seem fair."
Added Meghan: “A year ago we met some of the families…it was impossible to not be in tears, as I’m sure so many of you have been today, hearing these stories."
The throughline between these families and Harry and Meghan's own wasn't hard to see.
"Being a mom is the most important thing in my entire life, outside of course, being a wife to this one," Meghan said, smiling at her husband as the crowd giggled. The Montecito-based couple are, of course, parents to Prince Archie, 4, and Princess Lilibet, 2 — still a few years away from demanding iPads or TikTok accounts.
"I feel fortunate that our children are at an age, quite young, so this isn't in our immediate future. But I also feel frightened by how it's continuing to change . . . this will be in front of us…Social media is not going away." she continued to assenting nods. "They say about being a parent, 'the days are long, but the years are short.' So it worries me, but I'm also given a lot of hope and a lot of energy by the progress we've made in the past year."
With the Duke and Duchess leading the charge, Archewell aims to find solutions for more responsible, humane and ethical technology and social platforms, and to lessen the burden of individual parents by challenging tech companies.
So, in addition to working closely with affected families, Prince Harry and Meghan had numerous discussions with the corporations behind the platforms dominating digital life. "Many of the platforms that we've had conversations quietly behind the scenes with, these tech executives, they do feel that they have created parental controls and certain guardrails," Meghan explained. "[But] many parents, if you aren't tech savvy, you can't navigate that comfortably, it feels pretty overwhelming. There has to be a better solution than that."
Once the event was concluded, I made sure my notes were copious and descended six or so escalators to exit the Shed and take the train back to my office across town. I felt inspired and hopeful — and impressed with the couple, and the deeply felt, personal mission they've taken on with Archewell.
Because of all they've shared about their own battles with mental health. Because they've started a much talked-about new life in Santa Barbara, in part to find greater happiness and health for themselves. It's a cliche, but it's true: We're all on a journey, Meghan and Harry included. It was a a World Mental Health Day to remember.