If you’ve attempted to make new friends as an adult, you’ll know how difficult it can be to bond with people.
At school it was easy. You were thrown together and grew up alongside one another. But as an adult, the opportunity to make new friends is rare - especially now that many of us don’t work in office environments.
"Making friends as an adult is a long and hard road," says Mina Violet, 26. "My social anxiety is one of my biggest hurdles in meeting new friends, but also as a woman who moved to a different country with a different culture and habits, I had to start everything from the beginning, which made it doubly hard.
© Getty"I used to get so frustrated when I tried meeting new people," Mina shares. "I wanted to get to know them, but the feeling was rarely mutual. I started believing I was the one at fault, but the truth is people have a lot on their minds and they can’t figure out your intentions.
"My struggles to make new friends made me feel like I should shut off and stop trying to meet new people - or try new things at all," Mina admits.
Sheyla Zakh, 21, experienced different issues when trying to make friends as an adult, sharing that maintaining friends made in adulthood is a struggle. She found it difficult to be herself around new people, too.
"As an autistic person, it's important for me to be able to share my special interests and hyperfixations without judgement - and that's hard to find," she shares.
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Monica Allissa-Joy Tackitt, 39, adds that genuine connections are rare in adulthood. "As a grown woman, making friends isn’t easy, I have boundaries, and I know my worth - so finding genuine connections is rare."
There are legitimate psychological reasons we struggle to make friends as an adult, according to relationship psychologist Dr. Limor Gottlieb. "As people age, they tend to have a well-established social circle which can make it challenging to integrate new people."
A fear of rejection also prevents us from forming adult friendships, Dr. Limor adds: "Some people may also be scared of potential rejection and disappointment, and may therefore be reluctant to interact with new people."
Our busy lives are also responsible for us having less time to socialise, plus with age people, we become& more selective in choosing friends, says Dr. Limor. "We only want to spend time with people who are aligned with their values, and while this is wise, it can also limit our friend-making opportunities."
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How to make friends as an adult
Addressing these factors may involve a growth mindset, according to Dr. Limor. "Acknowledge that forming connections is a gradual process, setbacks are normal but persistence is key.
© Getty"Cultivate an open mind and get curious about meeting all kinds of people. Overcome social fears and step out of your comfort zone by attending social events or using technology to connect with people virtually and build a community."
Making friends online
Dr. Limor's advice on forging virtual connections is how Monica, Sheyla made new friends in adulthood. They used social media to make new friends - and they’re not alone. Communia, a social network for women+, found that 40% of people surveyed have used or are using social media to find new friends.
"Making friends online gets rid of any barriers we might have in our lives," says Sheyla. "I’m not particularly social in real life, but making friends online is a fun way to forge new connections."
© GettyMonica agrees, adding: "My mental health has improved knowing I have a refuge online to talk to new friends. It’s really fun to talk about my favourite things and get people into the conversation too."
All three of the women made friends on Communia, which encourages women+ to share their hobbies and niche interests, without fear of judgement. Monica said of the app: "I’ve made connections and received advice from real people, not someone chasing clout, like you often find on social media platforms.
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"Hearing stories and supporting other people's journeys motivated me to do things I never imagined. Knowing that every notification I get from the app is another opportunity to strengthen the bonds of connection with my fellow humans is a joy.
"One memorable occasion was connecting with someone who had issues with food," says Monica. "Having struggled with trauma eating myself, I was able to offer my insights and coping skills that worked for me until I was able to have a healthy relationship with food. Helping someone else made me rejoice and feel so much better."
Visit Communia to find your own new friends online here.
